Blood On My Hands
by ToAshes
Summary: I came looking for a place to crash for a couple days, they gave me so much more. They gave me a home, a place to wash this blood off my hands. Happy/OC
1. Are You Happy Now?

A/N: I don't own and didn't create anything to do with Sons of Anarchy. Though, Jayden, Nate, and Joseph are my creations, spewing from my brain. No copyright infringement intended, I'm just a fan.

_**Flashback or Past**_

_Thoughts_

SHOUTING

~Please review, constructive criticism welcome. If any character gets too OCC, I BEG you to let me know, I hate it when that happens. And if this story is crap, tell me it's crap. Thanks.

* * *

**Blood On My Hands**

_**"I don't give a shit if you're my CO! That plan's gunna get us all killed, SIR!"**_

_**"And how the hell would you know?!"**_

_**"What, 'cause I don't have a dick, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Is that the bullshit you're tryin ta feed us?!" My face grew hot. One way or another, I would win this fight.**_

_**"That's EXACTLY what I'm saying! You and your li'l girlie friends walk around here like you own the goddamn place. Well, lemme tell ya, YOU DON'T!"**_

_**"Sexist bastard! And actually, I'm a higher rank than any of the boys here but you AND we ain't even CLOSE to girlie. I could kick your ass anytime anywhere!"**_

_**"Oh so now you wanna talk shit, huh?! Well let's see you make good on that, right here, right fucking now!"**_

_**"Sir, yes, fucking SIR!" With that my fist landed in the side of his face. He stumbled backwards temporarily then came back at me with a punch of his own.**_

_**By now, all the men in the platoon we commanded were surrounding us, cheering on one or the other. A kid named Kip, who was always on my side, was up close and personal to the action, watching me kick the shit of my own commanding officer. The man lie on the ground before me, and my hands, now bloodied, dropped to my sides. I shook my head, somewhat violently.**_

_**"Now, don't go gettin' any ideas about that. Don't wanna have ta clean up after your messes too" I yelled to the men.**_

_**"Yes'm" They replied, knowing how much I hated being called ma'am. I was only 27; ma'am was too much of an old granny type thing.**_

The sign said: Welcome To Charming. I drove past it, hoping this little town was as peaceful as the name sounded. There were a couple of reasons I was here though they all intertwined. After I got back from Iraq, it was hard to find a place to stay, dishonorable discharge and all. But Joseph Lawrence didn't know what he was talking about when he briefed us on our course of action for getting our men out of that place. Insurgents are tricky characters and he thought we could just walk right through the front door, guns blazing? There was no way that would work...I slammed my hand hard against the steering wheel. _Would you stop thinking about that?! _Anyway, Kip sent me a letter after my trial, said that he was staying in this tiny town called Charming in the northern California. He said that if I ever needed anything, to just come on over. And now I was desperate, had to get away from Jersey, I had to. It wasn't an option, not anymore. I strained in the driver's seat, trying to find the auto shop he said he worked at. I looked at where I wrote it on my hand and squinted trying to read the smeared ink. Te-Tell...Okay, first word: Teller. Teller-Mo. Mo? Okaaay, then kid.

After driving around that god forsaken town three goddamn times I gave up. _Fuck it! I'll stay with Carry instead._ I glanced up and to the right. Lo and behold, an obnoxiously obvious sign that had Teller-Morrow printed in letters big enough for an airplane passenger to see it and have no doubt what it said. _Wow. Way to go, marine, way to fucking go. _I parked the car and walked towards the bay doors, no doubt looking as tired and frustrated as I was. But self control is vital when you're a marine, so I simply walked on.

"Can I help ya?" A long haired blonde asked me as I approached.

"Lookin' for a kid named Kip. About so tall, fucked up hair, military" The young man nodded and motioned for me to follow. I waited for him to pass behind me before turning my heel, the way I was trained, and falling into step behind him.

"Name's Jax"

"Good for you?" I was in no mood for meeting new people.

"You are...?" I heard him suppress a slight chuckle.

"Major Jayden Powell"

"Major?" The man spun to face me, though still walking backwards, his eyes looking me up and down. "That how you know Half-Sack? The Corps?"

"Yeah. I was his CO"

He turned back around and we continued our little tour of the garage until we finally found Kip shut up in the office, trying to get an older woman to give him the keys she held in her hand. "Ma, kid's got a visitor, give 'im the keys"

The woman and Kip both looked up. Her eyes sized me up, the same way the blonde's had. She made a face that quickly fell away after noticing the USMC tattoo on my inner right forearm. Then she looked plain and simply stunned.

"Jay?! Jesus, didn't think you'd actually come out! Damn, its good ta see ya!" Kip exclaimed, hugging me tightly.

"Hey, kid. Ya mind lettin' go? Shoulder's not doin so hot" I squirmed trying to get my left shoulder as far away from his squishing grip as possible.

"Oh yeah, sorry" He looked down. I pointed my finger in his face.

"Did you just apologize? Did ANYTHING I taught you stick?" I twisted my face in mock annoyance.

"Oh, right. S--uh. I started boxing?" I had to laugh at his clumsy topic-switching.

"Oh my God, how rude of me, I'm Jayden." I stretched my arm out to the other woman in the room. She was hesitant, but took it.

"Gemma" I nodded at her, not knowing what else I should do. I hadn't been in the world here in the States or out of prison for seven years; it would be difficult to get the reigns back in my hands. I turned back to Kip.

"You know of anywhere I can get a shower? I smell like fucking jail cell"

"Uh...shit. Hang on. Jax, can I talk to ya for a sec?" Jax nodded and waved for the boy to walk out of the office, after which he followed.

There was an awkward silence filling the air when the door closed. "Jail cell, huh?"

"Yeah" I didn't flinch or have an issue with giving a one word answer, something Gemma obviously wasn't used to when she drilled someone like that.

"How ya know our li'l boxer?"

"I was his CO in the Corps…'til my own CO ordered my men and I to go out on a shit plan."

"What does a jail cell have to do with any of that"

I only shook my head. My blood boiled at the thought of Lawrence. "Well...My CO, yeah, he learned not to go all sexist fucktard on girls like me."

"Really?" Her voice's pitch and eyebrows raised, I had her interest piqued. "And how exactly was that lesson learned?"

"Let's just say, he won't be gettin 'round his house without help anymore. And that ain't cause of the bullet he took that night." I could feel the muscle in my leg twitch at the memory. The woman only stared at me, I was being cryptic, yet another thing she obviously wasn't used to. The two men walked back into the office, not exactly ruining the conversation.

"Hey, Jax an' I talked to the others, Clay said you kin shack up here if you don't have a place ta stay" Kip talked while Jax only nodded.

"Really? You don't have ta do that"

"Yeah we do," an older man shoved the door open, jamming into the already cramped space of the office. "Clay" He held out his hand, which I took and shook. His face changed to an alomst confused expression when he noticed just how firm and steady my grip was.

"Jayden" I nodded. "Thank you so much for letting me stay." I smiled.

"Half-Sack over here'll show ya to a room"

I titled my head at the nickname. "You realize you're guna have ta tell me the ENTIRE story behind that one" I looked at the kid, who started to blush at the thought. I shook my head, "Thought I had ya all bucked up, kid, guess I still had some work, huh?" His face turned even redder as I clapped him on the shoulder. "Shall we go get my shit, private?"

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am" I pointed at him again, "I mean, yes'm."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After a shower and an hour unpacking my stuff into an unused room, I was enjoying the sweet taste of a freshly pulled beer in the Clubhouse. I hadn't actually 'enjoyed' anything since beating Lawrence half into a coma.

"Guess I should try ta find an actual job, huh?" I sighed staring down into the amber liquid in my glass.

"Ya kiddin, love? Ya just got 'ere, an with what I hear, ya ain't gettin' a legit job anytime soon" Chibs, a Scotsman with the best accent I'd ever heard, was trying to play a game of one man pool while simultaneously convincing me to stop twitching and actually sit still for once.

"Ugh, here, here to that, brother" I raised my glass and chugged it down. "Ya need a partner?" I heard him grunt in response. I stood, set my beer down and grabbed a pool stick. "I should warn you, I haven't had anything close to a pool stick in my hands for a long ass time. I used ta be pretty damn good," I winked at the man, who chuckled softly.

We played not one, not two but four games. After each one the loser had to take a shot. But it turned out both would rather have the shot than the small about of money, so we made it so the winner did one; loser took two in a row without pause. I had won two games and so had he. The two of us had just set up the triangle to continue with the next round when Clay, Jax and some blue eyed guy with curly hair stormed into the room. The blue eyed one had a homicidal look in his eyes, causing me to tense, muscles flexing involuntarily.

"No need ta get all worked up, love. He always looks like 'at when he's pissed" Chibs whispered.

"Chibs, Church, NOW!" Clay roared then pointed at me, "YOU! Get your skinny ass in there!" His finger swept along the room and came to rest on the closed door the four men were heading towards.

"Sure…" I remained calm. Then two more men strode in, then three more.

"a'ight now I realize Li'l Miss Marine over here doesn't know everyone," His eyes flitted across everyone's face. "That's Tig," He pointed at Blue Eyes, "Opie," pointed at the guy with the hat, "Bobby, Piney, Happy, and Juice" He pointed at each of them as well. The men simply nodded.

"Jayden" I stated, something inside me feeling like I was back in court. I uttered no 'nice to meet you' or anything of the sort.

"Alright then, we need to talk" His eyes drilled holes into me. "Sit" It was more of a command, but I was done with the military, done with taking orders from men who thought they controlled me simply because they were men.

"I'm perfectly capable of standing." The MC boys stared at me, women apparently weren't even allowed into this room unless deemed absolutely necessary, let alone contradict their president in it. Tig looked as if he were about to strangle me. I let my eyes wander inconspicuously over him, sizing him up. If he tried, it might end in a draw, but I'd survive it. God knows, I'd done that before.

"Suit yourself," He tried to sound calm, but his eyes blazed, something had definitely gotten under his skin. "Tell us now, what's with the dishonorable discharge?" He leaned his chair back, his tone suggesting that I was hiding something.

"Beat the shit outta my CO" I shrugged, then noticed their expressions and added, "He wanted me ta take my men on a shit mission that woulda gotten us killed, I told him to piss off, he started talkin shit bout me an my team, told him to back off or I'd kick his ass," I looked Clay in the eye, "He didn't listen. Now he can't walk right, not at all without help, from what I hear."

"How about this Juvie record—"

"Shot my step dad in the gut" I cut him off, my voice betrayed no sympathy, for it was nonexistent.

"And why would you do that?"

"Hmmm, let's see. He was a perv, beat me half ta death every day," I paused but saw he was about to speak again. Anticipating his next question, I saved him the breath, "My mom was always so drunk or high she cheered 'im on like some kinda underground fight club. And he was a cop." My eyes never left Clay's face.

The man blinked. Once, twice, three times. He opened the folder in front of him, shuffled through the papers and pulled one out and held it up for us to see. I had to lean over the table in order to read the tiny lettering. That's when I saw the title, "MARINE KILLED IN BATTLE." My eyes went down cast as they traced the outside edges of the reaper craving in the table.

"Try to explain THAT one away" Tig's voice was filled with venom as he smirked at me. I could tell now why they were so angry. They thought I'd killed anyone who got in my way of something or to get what I wanted. They thought I'd turn on them. But they obviously didn't realize how far off they were.

"Fuck you" I breathed, then shook my head to pull myself together. "That was my first tour of duty in Iraq…His name was Nate...We were engaged…" I leaned back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. This was the first time I had said anything about Nate since his funeral. After a deep breath I continued, "We were in the same squad. The two of us were snipers at the time, two of the best goddamn sharpshooters the Corps had. We were on a mission together, watching our men's backs, but we were bein scoped out too…I took the bullet first, when I got back behind the chimney, I noticed he wasn't with me…The goddamn slug flew clean through my shoulder and into his freaking chest. He wasn't completely gone, I tried CPR, I tried, goddamn it. I fucking tried…" My voice faded as I wiped the tear from my face. "And it didn't fucking matter, I got the bleeding to stop, got the pressure relieved and it didn't fucking matter. He was gone 'fore the others even realized we went down…"

"How'd you get the medal then?"

"I went after the son of a bitch that shot us, slit his goddamn throat. Lead the team that took care of those assholes in the house we were originally after. Held my neck out durin' a fire fight, savin' three of our own." I shook my head again, regaining my composure. "That's when we learned the Iraqi I killed wasn't the one who shot us."

"Who did?" Kip wasn't in the room, but I knew he'd have the same question as the kid with the Mohawk. Juice, they called him.

I looked up, eyes betraying the fact that I was ready to kill someone. "Joseph Lawrence. That CO I put in a wheelchair."


	2. Here To Stay

A/N: again, I don't own SOA. also, if I don't always update quickly, I'm sorry. But I write during school and any other chance I get, though not many.

Also, thank you to you guys that reviewed.

.city - thanks, and I find it almost upsetting that not many people write about Happy. He happens to be one of my favs.

Brittni - It makes my day to hear that I'm doing them justice, I was kind of nervous about being able to portray a marine right, but I'm glad I'm doing okay.

Miamitravel - thanks for the lovely feedback :)

* * *

**Here to Stay**

I shoved the wall from behind my back, opened the door then looked back at their stunned faces. "I've done things I'm not proud of, I've killed a lot of people, and gotten away with it. But there's ALWAYS a reason, maybe you can't see it, but if you look hard enough, it's there." I ended the conversation, walked back into the bar, finished my beer and left, ipod in hand.

Headphones in, I yanked up the hood of my USMC sweatshirt. After a quick stretch, my legs jogged my body away from the clubhouse, away from the men inside that little room.

Several miles later, I was forced to stop at some gas station. I took down my hood and pressed pause on my ipod before pulling the glass door open. Inside I grabbed a water bottle and a granola bar, I didn't care how late it was, I was planning on jogging all night. I closed my eyes and willed my breathing to slow as I waited in line behind a men in a black vest. It smelled of leather, the strokes of white patched on it seemed overly familiar. The man obviously noticed me trying to catch my breath.

"You really jogged all the way here?" His voice was raspy and sounded like it almost hurt him to speak, but it seemed soothing and sympathetic.

I nodded then looked at him questioningly. "How--" I recognized his face. "Oh...Happy, right?" Those white marks were the Reaper, not some random design put there to make him look cool, or like he was trying to be.

"Yeah. That's some fucked up shit" He commented, no doubt talking about my little story back in the chapel, while he placed a soda and a bag of chips on the counter for the cashier to ring up.

"Uh huh, could we not talk about that?"

"Sure, whatever. Ya want a ride back to the clubhouse?" He pointed to his bike outside. The cashier he paid was eyeing him, trying to gain his attention, desperatly flirting. She pouted when she realized he was aking me, not her.

"Kay, just lemme pay for--" He took the items from my hand and held them up so the girl could see them.

"Sorry, forgot 'bout these" He threw a couple bills at her, gently slid his hand down my arm and wrapped his fingers around my forearm, just above the ink, and started to lead to me to his motorcycle.

He mounted first, then strapped the helmet on my head. I was capable of doing that myself but I didn't feel like moving much. I swung my leg over and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Ya might wanna hold on li'l tighter, I have a habit of ridin a li'l too fast." He winked as he looked briefly over his shoulder at me. Honestly I wasn't ready to go back to the clubhouse, wasn't ready to face the questions the others would have for me. But something deep inside me wanted to be on the back of that bike with him.

"Could we hold off on goin' back there?" I whispered, more for the sake of saying I tried than actually meaning it.

He shrugged, "If ya want. But I can't stay out too late."

"What, Clay got you on curfew?" I was only being half sarcastic, though he laughed.

"Hell no, got a long ride back ta Tacoma tamorra, gotta wake up early, fucking 8 am"

"What are ya doin here in Cali then?" I caught the 'back' in his statement, meaning he wasn't from around here.

"Waitin' for you ta shut up so I can show ya 'round." He twisted and looked back at me, trying to hide the smile that was tugging on his lips. He knew very well what I meant, but refused to answer the question.

I squeezed my arms around him but said nothing. In response, Happy revved up the bike as we pulled out of the parking lot. The low rumbling sound the bike made was comforting, no wonder so many people rode them. I had rested the side of my face against his shoulder and almost fallen asleep back there. Well, as asleep as you can get when you're on the back of a motorcycle with some guy you barely know in a town you have yet to become familiar with.

I knew no one in this one horse neighborhood, if the Sons of Anarchy wanted me out of the way, no one would notice, though unless they put Chibs **and **Tig with a couple of shotguns on that job, they would never succeed. I breathed in the fresh air that whipped around my face. Oh yeah, Happy most certainly rode faster than the speed limit. But I didn't mind at all, the wind felt nice, cooling my body down after a such a long jog. I opened my eyes and stared at the blur of sleepy little town scenery flashed by us.

We pulled into to parking lot for the auto shop after about an hour and a half detour. He got off first, then I hopped down as well, unbuckling the helmet and handing it to him. As I went to pass him to go to my room and get some sleep, I felt his hand grab my wrist, pulling me between him and the bike. Normally, I would have just kicked him the balls and walked off, but there was something about the **way** he'd gripped me. It wasn't hostile, wasn't affectionate, just an attention getting silent 'hey wait a minute.'

"I just wanted ta say, in the store, place, I wasn't like **holding** your hand or nothin' creepy. That chick's got a thing for me, and in a really demented way" He explained.

"It's fine, I know what ya mean. Saw her staring. Looks like ya got your own stalker" I stuck my tongue out to the side, to show I was just messing around with him.

"She prolly does," He smiled, first time I'd seen that. He seemed like the type of guy who didn't smile too much.

"Well...um, thanks for the ride?" I offered after an excruciating long minute of enduring staying like that with him, neither of us making eye contact.

"No problem," He said to my back as I walked, creating a gap between us.

Happy soon followed me to the clubhouse. He stopped in the bar, leaning against it and greeting Tig, who stared intensely at my back as I continued my journey to my room. Someone was following me, trying to hide it and doing a very poor job.

"Which one is it?" I asked, unlocking the bedroom door. I began to pull it open but a strong arm pushed it back to its closed position, the old hinges groaned in protest at the sudden change of mind.

"Me." Said a familiar raspy voice. I turned and leaned against the wood of the door, looking him up and down. He had tattoos everywhere visible and probably any other places. Whoever had done it, did a great job.

"By the way, nice ink" I commented, shifting my weight a bit to see his right tattoo sleeve better.

"Thanks" His eyes followed mine as they flitted across the multiple areas of tanned skin covered in ink. Some were colored, others stayed black and white.

"So, how can I help ya?" I asked, after my inspection, tilting my head and meeting his gaze as he stared down at me. He shifted in place, an unmistakable sign of uncomfort.

"Well...uhm, I'm not good at this, but a bunch of the guys and I, we, uh, think your a'ight. Like, goin' through all that shit then tellin' us like that. Mean, you don't even fucking know us." He seemed to have trouble finding the words to put into a sentence. "At church tanight, after ya left, we voted on lettin' you stay," His hand changed position on the door from next to my head, to the handle.

_Fuck. He's the messenger, make me feel like it's okay, then WHAM! You gotta go, bitch. It's like a goddamn boyfriend. _He swung the door open, gently, so that fell into him. I staggered but quickly caught my balance. My body was pressed against his, close enough for it definitely be considered an invasion of personal space, but I didn't care, and from the way he didn't move, he didn't either. I tipped my head up looking at him, waiting for the verdict. It took a while for him to give one, he just stood there, staring down at me. Suddenly he snapped himself out of his little space out moment and continued.

"They, well, **we **decided it was fine, but a permanent arrangement would have ta be set up for ya." He walked forward, pushing me into my room.

"Permanent arrangement?" I questioned.

"Like findin' your own place an' shit. Til then, you're free ta come an' go." He stopped walking when we reached the middle of the bedroom.

"Really? Jesus, you guys really don't have ta do this...I got a friend in LA, said I could stay there...I'll admit it, I'm not the best person to have around in the morning."

"We do, and we are. And lookin' at your track record, you **are **the best person to have in a fight. God knows, we need that. 'specially wit that ATF bitch." He turned and walked towards the door.

"Thanks, by the way" I said into his back.

"No problem." He made to the doorway then turned around, leaning on his outstretched arms that were placed on either side of the door frame, "Oh, and next Friday, make sure you're still 'round, like here," He waved his hand around, "We got a surprise for ya." He turned, closed the door behind him and strode down the hall.

* * *

~Reviews are wonderful, crunstructive criticism gladly welcomed. Again, if it's crap, flat out tell me "Ash, It's crap."


	3. Tacoma Or Bust

A/N: Review responses:

Miamitravel: thank you so much. :D

Jessie & Aries: glad you guys are excited and like it. At first I wasn't sure if I would make it him, but I decided I would. I hope to be able to update every or every other day, but that depends on homework.

the usual, don't own anything but my characters, aka the unfamiliar ones.

* * *

**Tacoma or Bust**

I stripped my clothes off, replacing them with my pajamas, which consisted of a black camisole and sweatpants. I reached for the covers, pulled them over and slid between the sheets. My hand grabbed the pillow from under my head and turned it so that I could rest my head and body on it. I buried my face into the pillow case, closed my eyes and did my best to get some sleep.

I woke up with a groan. It was early, I could tell but the lack of movement in the bar. Rolling over, a stole a glance at the clock: 5 am. _Jesus Christ._ But now that I was up, there was no way I would be able to fall back asleep, at least not with looking around and making sure everything was as it should be.

After lying still for a while I decided it was no use trying. Knowing, and not caring, that no one was awake yet, I didn't bother to put a sweatshirt over the camisole. As quietly as I could, I pushed the door open and made my way down the hall and the little staircase at the end of it. I looked around the bar, checking the kitchen area, under the pool table, in the shadows surrounding each and every corner, behind the chairs and sofas and both under and behind the bar itself, for crazy stalkers with a knife or gun, or an unruly ATF agent. Or that girl from the gas station.

My morning round complete, I grew bored. It was five o'clock in the morning and wide awake, sitting on a couch in the clubhouse full of bikers I barely knew. I_ really need to get out of this habit_ I criticized. After all, I'd shacked up with unfamiliar people in the past, and a lot of good that did me. But that was a long time ago, back when I was a teenager and stupid and had nothing to prove to anyone. Letting out a deep breath, I lied down on the couch and closed my eyes. Maybe now I could finally get some much needed sleep.

I woke up again, though this time it was the feel of a hand on my back and another on my elbow. My eyes popped open and I felt my fingers wrap around the knife I kept strapped to my inner left calf at all times.

"Whoa now, just me. Calm down." Happy was kneeling beside the couch with his hands in the air in surrender. Chibs was just entering the room, Clay, Tig and Jax were leaning up against the bar, laughing.

"Jesus Christ." I breathed, swinging my legs over the side of the sofa, feeling the chill of the cool wood floor under my bare feet. I shoved the blade back into it's sheath. "Never wake a sleeping marine."

"Why, bad karma?" Tig teased.

"Fuck karma. She may a bitch, but she'll just fuck with your head. **I'll** slit your goddamn throat." I looked down at my knee, trying to see if I could go all Superman and use x-ray vision to see if the cut was healing alright or if I needed to clean it.

"Wasn't tryin' ta wake you up, just guna move ya to your room. Maybe next time I should just leave ya ta go battle for the sofa with Tig." Happy now stood in front of me and offered his hand to help me to my feet. I shook my head.

"Shoulder fuckin' kills" I explained when I noticed the confused look on his face. He nodded and I went on. "Who wants ta go get my drugs? You're not guna get your couch back without 'em." I glanced at their faces for possible volunteers but only found blank stares. "Pain meds. For the shoulder, knee and foot. Please?"

"I'll get 'em. Front pouch of the back bag, right?" Kip announced as he walked into the room and conversation.

"Yeah, in the Ziplock. And the **all black** bag. **Not** the **red and black** one." I watched as Kip nodded, repeated the instruction silently to himself, then bounded up to my room.

I shifted my gaze to the men left in the room. They all wore pretty much the same thing: jeans with a chain to attach their wallet to their belt loop, some sort of t-shirt or sweatshirt and a black leather cut with SAMCRO proudly printed n the back. They all had bike rings, though the amount and which fingers they wore them on varied. There was at least one visible tattoo on each of the men. Happy was the smallest when it came to weight, but something told me he was one to watch out for. Chibs was no doubt the tallest, probably the most muscular, though they all were pretty well off. Kip was obviously the youngest, and hazing on Prospects seemed to be pretty heavy, though it reminded me of getting back at the senior football team my sophomore year. My eyes flitted across their faces, some had scars, like Chibs, though his were healed. But they all had the same expression and were staring at me.

"What?" I looked at them questioningly.

"That" Happy tried to poke my in the chest but I swatted his hand away.

"Oh, my tat? What about it?"

"How many you got?"

"Three, including the USMC. One on the ankle and this one. Thing fucking hurt."

"It's your chest, don't hurt that bad" Tig injected his own logic and made a face when I shook my head.

"Starts at my hip and goes up. The chest and gut hurt the lest, rib cage and hip bone. Christ." I grinned. Tig gave me I look that was easy to recognize, "No, you can **not** see it. Maybe when I'm in a better mood." He put his head down in mock disappointment and pouted.

"Should prolly get goin'" Happy seemed almost unwillingly to leave.

He heaved a backpack onto his shoulder and gripped a small duffle. Kip came running into the room, threw a plastic bag at me, which I accepted. I nodded at the kid and popped a couple pills. After waiting for me to do so, Happy gave me one last look and walked out of the clubhouse, followed by Tig, Jax, Chibs then Clay. Ignoring the pain, I stood, with the help of Kip and strode stiffly after them. I stayed in the background as I watched Happy strap his bag to the back of his bike and gain a man hug from everyone in the little group. I stepped to the middle ground, intending only to say goodbye but his hand wrapped around my wrist and he smothered me in a tight hug.

"Shoulder" I yelped and squirmed around. He let go and threw his hands up in surrender for the second time that morning.

"Think I'm just guna leave you alone from now on," He twisted his face in mock anger.

"No! Don't do **that**." I tried my hand at innocent.

"Then quit complainin'" His finger jabbed into my side before he sat on his bike.

His hands pulled me by the hips and half picked me up onto his lap after noticing that I kept shifting my weight. I accepted the spot on his leg as I rubbed my knee, willing it to stop hurting so much.

"Why you guys doin this?" I questioned.

"What you mean?" Clay answered.

"Like, helping me and everything. You know you don't have to, so why are you?"

"You served your country like the rest of us, got hurt in the process. Been through a lot of shit, then explained it to us without falter. You deserve it." Was his answer, the look in his eyes told me there was something else mixed in. They wanted me in case things got bad, knew that I could come in handy if whatever conflict they had going on went physical. I wasn't opposed to fighting for them, they'd done a lot for me in the past two days.

"And you know that I feel obligated to do whatever it takes ta pay y'all back." I added for him, knowing well that he wouldn't.

He simply nodded.

"So when ya guna be back?" I turned my head to Happy.

"Eh, Wednesday, maybe early Thursday" He shrugged and I nodded. "Ya know, you could come with...See what Tacoma's like, stay there or come back and stay here?"

The two of us looked at Clay for confirmation that it was okay. But the older man turned to Kip. "Up ta Half Sack."

"Not much I can really say. She ain't blood related, more like an over protective guard dog than anything, no offense," I waved the guard dog comment off. "Sorry, but you're fair game. So, I guess it doesn't really matter."

"Then I'm going. Hang on lemme grab some stuff." I hopped onto my good leg and attempted to hurry to my room, but Happy gripped my arm again.

"We're ridin straight there, it's like fourteen hours. Can ya handle that?"

"Course I can. I'm a sniper, I kin stay awake for an entire week if necessary."

"Well, you don't gotta stay up **that** long," He poked my side again.

I took a step with my right leg, to make sure the drugs were kicking in. After my assessment, I half jogged across the bar, up the stairs and down the hall. I grabbed my back bag, shoved it with enough clothes and eyeliner to last me five days and flung over my shoulder. I pulled on my black Converse and a hoodie then jogged back to the group of men. Bags were strapped onto the bike, hugs were recieved and given, the bike was mounted by both rider and passenger. I wrapped my arms around him as he waved his final goodbye and revved the bike.

It wasn't five minutes before we stopped. "Shit." He swore as we pulled up to the gas pump.

"What?"

"That girl's working taday" He looked down when he began to pump the gasoline into the bike. So he didn't see me twist my face. I swung my leg over, grabbed his free hand from his pocket and pulled him closer between my parted legs. "What the fuck?"

"Shut up, bitchface is watching" His face lit up as he realized what I was doing.

"Ah, thanks."

"No problem."

"Um, fuck, this is guna get weird...Is she still looking?"

"Like she's guna rip out my jugular." I looked down at my lap as his hand slid up my leg and body to the back of my neck.

"Don't freak out..." His hand pushed my face to his as our lips met.

I closed my eyes, _to make it look real_ I kept trying to tell myself, though I could feel the unmistakable spark. The kiss lasted longer than it really needed to because the second the girl saw my face move the slightest bit closer she turned away. But I didn't tell him that part. We stayed together in that way, he obviously didn't want it to end either. But he pulled back and stared at me.

"Damn, girl." His hand remained tangled in my hair. "We should do that again sometime." He poked me then released my hair when the pump declared his tank was full.

"Maybe we should." I grinned. It had been a while since I'd been kissed by someone, not to mention kissed like **that**.

"Come on, I'm paying." He grasped my hands and pulled me off the bike so that I nearly ran into him and grinned playfully.

We walked side by side into the little store. "Why am I coming with you?"

"Food. And," He leaned closer so his lips were against my ear, "They have bathrooms."

"I am **not **guna let you fuck me in the bathroom"

"Why?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Because gas station bathrooms are gross. Even for me." I grabbed a bag of chips off the shelf.

He just shook his head as we made our way to the register. Without saying a word, he plucked my chips from my hand and placed them with his on the counter. "The usual for the smokes," He requested to the girl.

"Are you always guna pay for me?" I asked, almost annoyed at the gesture. It was sweet, but I hated taking charity from anyone, friend, make out partner for a minute in the parking lot or stranger.

"Prolly." The girl rang up our food and his cigarettes while staring at us.

"Are you two like...**together?**" She interupted. Happy looked at me for help.

"What of it?" I asked, a hint of defensiveness shining through.

"Nothing...Just askin" She seemed shut down.

"Look...what's your name?"

"Darcy..." She handed the bag to Happy and tilted her head at me.

"Well Darcy, I'm Jayden. I'm a friend of Half Sack's, we were in the Corps together. This," I waved my hand between Happy and I, "was just luck. Like me not dyin' in Iraq," I leaned over the counter and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "You're young and beautiful, you don't need luck. Trust me, Darcy, you don't, and you don't need a guy to be happy. But me, I need all the luck I can get." With that Happy and I walked out of the convenient store.

He mounted first, like always, I followed behind. I was squished into his back because of the bags, but it was okay.

Fourteen hours riding to Tacoma wasn't exactly what I'd call fun, but there were rest and food stops, so we weren't on the bike for the entire trip, though they delayed our arrival time. Happy and I didn't even touch for the rest of the trip, except when we were on the bike, but that was alright, things were heating up between us and the slightest touch may have actually pushed me into a restroom with him somewhere, gas station or otherwise. But finally we arrived at their clubhouse. It wasn't all that different from the one in Charming, the only major difference was that it was a lot smaller. We walked in and he was instantly greeted by men wearing familiar leather cuts. After man hugging each one of them, he motioned for me to step forward and rested his hand on my shoulder.

"What am I, your arm rest?" I joked, poking him in the side.

"Yep." He nodded once then looked at the other men. "Guys, this is Jayden. She's a friend of the prospect in Cali, stayin' for a while till I bring 'er back on Wednesday."

"Well, she's a fine one. You said **friend**, right? Oh and where the fuck is she gunna sleep? We got no extra rooms, you know that," One of the others commented.

"First, she's off limits. And, we'll figger somethin' out," He strode to the bar, signaling the end of that conversation, and grabbed two beers, one of which he threw at me. "Nice catch."

* * *

Reviews are love


	4. Off Limits

A/N: Usual, I don't own and didn't create SOA, just my characters.

Okay, so maybe this seems weird, but that's okay. It's kind of meant to be that way.

Also, now that the whole hooking up thing is starting, if ANY CHARACTER seems too OCC, tell me, PLEASE.

* * *

**Off Limits**

"I know, right?" I made a face at him. "So, you are...?" I turned back to the other man.

"Gage," He held out his hand for a shake.

He was a pretty big guy, muscles well built and looked like he would be a force to reckon with. But his voice and the face he gave me made he seem like a teddy bear. The contradiction pissed me off, why couldn't bikers be easy to read? Taking a closer look, I could tell why they called him Gage. The big gage he had in his left ear.

I clasped his hand. "Does everyone have to look at me like that?" I turned to Happy as I said the words when I noticed Gage's eyes looking me up and down. He only shrugged and walked out to go get our bags.

"Whoa, nice tat. You served?" The pitch in Gage's voice changed.

"Yeah, in Iraq for 24 months. Joined when I was 18, is that really so weird?"

"Nawh, just not used to that kinda shit. I know Clay an some of them served, but damn. We don't exactly have a lot of girl marines runnin' 'round 'ere."

I nodded feeling a hand pull my right arm up.

"Just me." A raspy voice stated calmly behind me when I flinched. Happy slipped the strap of my backpack up my arm and laid it to rest on my shoulder.

"Awh, not nice enough to hold for me?"

"Right now, hell no." He was exhausted, and I had to admit I was too. We left Charming at 8:30 am and arrived at midnight, all the while riding or stuck in traffic, with occasional pit stops. "Come on, I'll show ya where you're sleepin'"

"A'ight," I turned to Gage, "See ya 'round."

The man nodded as Happy lead me down the hall, to the right, third door on the left. His dorm room. The inside resembled the ones in Charming, though smaller and it seemed as though he'd actually tried to decorate it. He had a gun on the nightstand, which didn't surprise me. There were pictures of half naked women, obviously cut out from a magazine, pinned up on the wall. When we walked in, he pulled a few of them down.

"Missed one," I teased.

"Oh, shut up," He shot me a look and threw his bag beside the bed. I pitched my own on the floor, between the dresser and the door. That's when I realized, he was telling me I was staying in his room, sleeping on his bed.

"Where are you guna stay then?" I asked. I didn't want him to have to give up his own comfort for me. After all, I was only a girl he met two days ago at an auto repair shop.

"On the couch downstairs." He shrugged.

"No, you stay here, I'll crash on the couch," I protested but he shook his head.

"You're the guest, marine." He went to leave the room, "Stop complainin' an deal." His hand was on the doorknob.

"Wait."

"What?" He let out a loud frustrated sigh.

"Will you chill? Jesus" I walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You could always stay here..."

"N--"

"With me…" I cut off his objection.

He turned to me and said nothing. My arms went up, wrapping around his neck, though we stayed arms length apart. Looking me in the eyes, his hand made its way to my hip, up my belly, past my rib cage and coming to rest on my neck, in a familiar process that reminded me of the gas station, while the other pulled me closer by the waist. I closed my eyes as I felt the pressure of his mouth on mine. His lips parted, licking my bottom lip. My own mouth opened to welcome him in, our tongues meeting, they tangled and danced. His hand, that still held my hip, slipped under my shirt and unhooked my bra. In one quick motion, he peeled both shirt and bra off of me. He pushed me away from him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried he'd decided not to go through.

"Nothin' just checkin' out the ink," His finger traced it as he nodded in approval of the blue, black and white Chinese dragon whose tail started just below my hip, its body spiraled in a loop and where its head lay profiled on my chest.

After making sure the tattoo was to his liking, his eyes glided up my body, landed briefly on my lips then blinked to my eyes. He practically ripped off his t shirt and watched for a reaction.

"Damn," I breathed taking in the sight of his ink-covered chest and stomach. Though the tattoos were plentiful, the ones that stood out the most were the smiley faces. I tilted my head as I poked at one.

"People I, uh..." He started then seemed to try to find the right word, but I already knew what it would mean, "...Got rid of. They fucked with the wrong MC." He was matter of fact and not the slightest bit remorseful.

I could only nod. It didn't scare me, like it would most women, I knew I could take care of myself. But it would've been a nicer to have known this **before** the make out sessions.

He seemed to read my mind, and stepped closer, wrapping a possessive arm around my waist, pressing my body into him, so that I could how hard he was against my thigh, and catching the side of my mouth between his teeth. I turned my head slightly so his lips landed on mine, sliding my tongue in to meet his again. He walked forward, backing me up until the back my legs hit the bed. His hands ran down my sides, then unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them down. He picked me up by the ass, my ankles being freed from the denim wrapped around them, and laid me out on the bed. I smiled as I moved to the middle, watching him unbuckle his belt and pull down his own jeans. On all fours, he crawled over top of me and kissed me hard, forcing me down into the mattress. When he entered me, it wasn't a slow process but quick and hard. I gasped but wrapped my legs around him, encouraging him to continue, he did. My back arched as he nibbled my neck, thrusting hard into me. The intensity of each thrust raising well above the one before it. I ground my hips into him as that dizzy feeling washed over me. I came first, he muffled the scream with an intense, tongue included kiss. His fingers dug into my hips as he pushed himself into me one last time. Groaning, he let go inside of me, then settled himself still lying on top of me.

He kissed my hair covered ear and whispered. "That wasn't so smart."

"Oh, now who's complaining?" I teased, but he pushed up and looked me in the eye. He was serious.

"This can't be just a one time thing. I mean, Sack might have **said** you were fair game...but that don't mean shit. I'm dead now."

"No, you're not. You look very much alive." I saw his expression change and sighed, "Look, maybe it wasn't so smart, but...it's over, done. Can't undo it." I paused. "And anyway, don't tell him I said this, but if he did decide to fight, you'd prolly win. He's got a hook, but you got a gun, he never did well with those things in his face. A knife, no problem, 9 mil, we got issues."

"Yeah...but...I don't fucking know." He rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling.

"We could try it, see how it plays out..."

"Try the together thing? I don't do that very well,"

"What happens with the girls on a run or when I'm not there, that's your shit, not mine. What happens in the club, **your **shit, I'm not one to pry." I felt him nod. "But, that said, it doesn't mean I'm not guna question when you're pissed."

"You really wanna try goin' serious with a biker? Let alone this one?"

"I'll try anything once," I smiled and rolled on my side so that I was facing him, but not touching, sensing he wasn't one to cuddle. Not like I was.

"A'ight. Good thing I told Gage you were off limits, huh?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. I fell asleep easier and a lot quicker than I had since Nate died.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke tangled in the sheet, which pissed me off. Things that constricted my movement always did. Groaning, I sat up and noticed what wasn't there. Happy. I glanced around, trying in vain to find a clock of some sort or some way to tell the time. I let out a loud frustrated sigh as I got out of bed, now wrapped neatly in the sheet and found my backpack. Reaching in the side pocket, I pulled out my cell phone. It beeped at me. LOW BATTERY. _Well, fuck you._ After hitting cancel on the notification, I looked at the time, appearing at the top of the screen. Noon. _Jesus!_ I'd never slept that late in my life, not even when I was a kid. Granted I had no idea when I actually fell asleep, because for some odd reason, there was no clock in the room. Tearing through the bag, I grabbed my Flyleaf band t shirt, a pair of dark jeans and my cell phone charger. I plugged in the charger and laid my phone on the nightstand, noticing Happy's gun had vacated the space. I dressed, jeans and panties first, then bra and t shirt while walking toward the door. On the way to the main room, I tried to find a bathroom, but had no luck.

"Hey! You're alive!" Happy called as I stepped into the room.

"and you're **adorable**," I smirked. "Where the hell is your bathroom?"

He pointed down the hall I had just emerged from, "All the way down."

I nodded, turned my heel, and made my way to the bathroom. Once there, I looked in the mirror. Eyeliner: smeared but nothing too noticable. Could fix that easily. Hair: Ugh, long hair really sucked sometimes. After removing and reapplying my make up, half ripping my hair out of my head while trying to brush out the knots, and popping my medication, I returned to the main room, tossing my stuff back in the dorm on the way. Dragging a chair behind me, I walked to where the two men stood facing each other at the pool table.

"You really off limits?" Gage wouldn't back off.

"Yeah," I replied, looking at Happy to confirm. He nodded with a slight smile.

"That sucks. You're just the guy's friend right? You're not family, not off limits," He looked at Happy, "This is bullshit."

"No it ain't," Happy was very matter of fact about it, his eyes looking Gage up and down, seeming to be making sure he would be able to take him down if it came to that point.

"Look at her, come on, man. You sayin' it don't piss you off?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayin. An anyway, got a pretty good look last night." He winked at me.

"Oh, man. I didn't...I thought...**Jesus** don't kill me"

"Don't talk shit, and I'll see." He made his shot. Last two stripes pocketed. His tattooed hand landed on the couple bills on the side of the table and put the small stack in his wallet. He looked up at Gage when the man chuckled under his breath, giving him a look and "Man, I'm fucking serious."

Gage only nodded in silent agreement to let up on the comments.

"Hey, you." Happy looked up. "You eat yet? I'm fucking hungry."

"Yeah, but the kitchen's over there, you want somethin'" He waved his hand towards the kitchen area, giving me free reign to help myself.

* * *

Reviews are love, criticism or otherwise


	5. Five More Minutes

A/N: I don't own and didn't create SOA.

Shout out to: Harley Pendragon, keep up the good work on the only other Happy story on the site.

Also, props to David Labrava for playing one amazing charater and to Kurt Sutter for creating him.

~This chapter is pretty much just a filler to what's going to happen next. Doesn't mean you won't miss out if you don't read it though. Just a warning, it's a little dull~

* * *

**5 More Minutes**

Walking into the kitchen, I couldn't help but notice the dirty dishes in the sink. I rolled my eyes and popped open the fridge. Grabbing a soda, I sighed and brought a piece cheese and the butter as I hip-butted the refrigerator door closed. I had just pushed the lever on the toaster down to toast my first bagel when Happy walked in.

"Knee a'ight? Saw it last night. Didn't hit it, did I?" He questioned as I sat on a stool.

"Nah, it's all good. You would know if ya did" I shrugged.

He nodded. "What happened? That kinda thing's not an accident." His arms came around each side of me and rested on the counter behind me, trapping me there. He kissed me gently, but pulled back, waiting for me to explain the not quite healed leg wound.

"Long story." I sighed and my bagel popped. He pulled over his own stool and sat on it, facing me. I got the message and looked toward the ceiling.

_**I'd faired pretty well in prison but ended up forming a blood feud with some very connected people. They wanted nothing more than to make me their bitch, it that wasn't about to happen. So they came up, tried their smooth talking, it didn't work. They didn't come back to me for a while, thought they learned that there was no way in hell I would give in. In reality, they were plotting a way to force me into the job. A couple days later, I was ambushed on the way to the bathroom. One walked away, simply because I needed to keep someone conscious for a messenger to whoever sent them. Another ended up with a shiv in her gut. The biggest wound up in a coma, and the last one I knocked out just because I was in a bad mood.**_

_**When the guards found them, they dragged me from the exercise area. As I past the woman who had set up the ambush, I spit and laughed. There was nothing she could do to me in solitary, even if I did go crazy.**_

_**Sitting on that cot, I realized that all those people who claimed to be driven mad by weeks of not even seeing another human's face weren't entirely crap. I could never say that I went **__**insane**__** but I was pretty damn close. While I was confined to my little cell, the woman had contacted her people on the outside, found out I had a condo in New Jersey. She set it up so when I got out, her minions would go after me, avenge their fallen sister.**_

_**I never felt so out of place as when I was finally let back into general population. I took one look around, no one was near me, they walked away. In part because they now knew what I was capable of. But mainly because Kelly was glaring and put out the word about the hit she put on me. Some of the other women were eyeing my every movement, no doubt wanting to get their hands on the promised credit that would never be handed out.**_

_**"Ya bettah watch your back, bitch!" Kelly called from where she was sitting.**_

_**"For what? If ya wanna get back at me, get your ass over here and fight me. Otherwise, shut the fuck up." I remained calm, though she didn't take the challenge the way I'd hoped.**_

_**In a second she was in my face, spitting and smack talking.**_

_**"It ain't a fight 'thout blood." I grinned as her hand balled into a fist. "Hit me, I dare you."**_

_**That's all I had to say. Her fist landed in my gut and she waited for me to stagger and give up. I only stepped back.**_

_**"Been hit harder by a nine year old," I sneered. The more she went on me, the easier I could claim self defense.**_

_**She punched me again, right under the ribs.**_

_**"Guess no one taught ya how ta hit right. Here, allow me."**_

_**Everything just happened after that. Punches were thrown and I don't know how, but pretty soon everyone was in on it, throwing elbows and kicking anything that was moving.**_

_**Somehow, the guards were able to break up the fight and haul us out of the dog pile. Everyone of us bleeding from somewhere, many in more than one spot. I held my thumb to my lip, trying to stop the flow of blood pouring from it.**_

_**"Where's Kelly?" Someone asked from somewhere.**_

_**We all looked around, trying to find her. Even I glanced about. "Right there." I pointed to the area by one of the picnic tables. Kelly was sprawled on her stomach, barely breathing.**_

_**I had been blamed for it, though the prosecution only tried me for assualt since there was no way to be sure that **__**I**__** left her needing an oxygen tank and ventilation. The court decided to tack on another two years, just to be careful.**_

_**The next five years went smoother than the first, Kelly being out of the way and everyone being somewhat fearful of me and all. But when I got to back to the condo in Jersey...**_

_**At first everything seemed fine. No strange cars outside, no hooded people following me. Nothing out of the ordinary. But then I got to the door and the key wouldn't work. The landlord said that he hadn't changed the lock and I checked to make sure the keys were the same. In hindsight, I probably should have just left then and there. But I picked the lock and shoved the door open. Leaving the lights off, I went to plop on the couch to sleep for once but I something stopped me. A sound, something rattling in the kitchen. Silently, I yanked my gun from my belt and slipped behind to the cover of the half wall separating the kitchen and living room. If you looked in, I probably looked like a girl version of James Bond playing the blonde in a horror movie.**_

_**I couldn't tell you what happened next. The only I remember, I woke up lying on the kitchen floor, blood pooling around my leg. I couldn't move it and in looking down I saw the gash beginning at the bottom of my thigh, a few inches above where my knee started and ended a few inches below it. It was a signature cut that Kelly and her people used to brag about in lock up.**_

While I told my story, Happy had made his made to standing by my side, his hand gripping my shoulder. I didn't lean into him and he made no effort to pull me in. When I stood to get the bagel that still sat in the toaster his hand gripped my shoulder harder. He kissed me again, pushed my back down into the chair and walked over to the toaster.

"Damn, girl." He shook his head as he slid the bagel from the toaster and placed it in front of me. "What is it with you an pissin' people off?"

"I dunno, man. I don't fucking know..." I pushed the bagel to the side, crossed my arms on the table and laid my head face down in them.

He squeezed my shoulders. "That why ya came from Jersey?"

I nodded as his hands slid lower down my back.

"Then in a way, glad ya pissed 'em off," He whispered in my ear, kissed it then pulled up. "We're headin' back ta Charmin' bit earlier than expected."

I groaned. "How much earlier?"

"Tamorra."

"Shitdammitfuck."

He laughed then patted my back. "Yeah, I hear ya. Was hopin' ta give ya the tour..." I felt him lean over me, a hand on the table on either side of my body. "You don't look do hot. You feelin' a'ight?"

"Not at all. Freaking tired. I'm goin' back ta bed."

He nodded and released me, allowing me to stagger to the bedroom and collapse on the bed. I had no idea why I was so exhausted, but I passed out in a matter of moments.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke up on my stomach, a heavy arm draped over my back. My head turned slightly to see Happy laid out in the middle of the bed. _No wonder I didn't sleep last night. Goddamn bed hog._ I said nothing, I didn't wake or disturb him, only reached out to my phone to check the time. 3 am. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to give into sleep yet again. It didn't take long for me to do so, being lulled by the sound of his soft snoring.


	6. Traveling Again

A/N: I don't own and didn't create SOA, wish I did.

I'm so sorry about not updating on the schedule, but Halloween's like Christmas for me. Then the sugar hang over. Then I was busy. So, again, I'm sorry.

_thoughts_

**emphasis**

If any character seems OCC, let me know.

* * *

**Traveling...Again**

"Hey, Jay, get up, we gotta go soon." Happy was standing in the doorway calling, trying to wake me up. "Oh, thought you were still in bed." He noticed I was already making my way to the door, clothes in hand.

"When are we leaving, anyway?"

"Like twenty minutes"

"Gives me time ta shower, good."

He nodded as I tried to brush past him but his arm stopped me. I looked over at him.

"What's up?"

"Lemme tell Sack 'bout us, kay?"

"Yeah, course." I smiled and tip toed to kiss him.

His hands came to my hips, keeping his mouth on mine. He turned me and pushed me into the door frame. His body pressed against mine as he slid his hands up the t shirt I never changed out of the day before.

"Babe," I breathed as he kissed a trail down my neck, not really wanting to stop him. "I gotta get ready"

He stopped at my throat and looked back at me. "Yeah, I know..."

I half smiled and kissed him again then ducked under his arm to take a shower.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I came out of the bathroom dressed in some black t shirt, skinny jeans and pulling an oversized hoodie over my head. Walking past the dorm, I noticed that Happy had already grabbed my bag and probably already had it strapped to the bike.

"Ready?" He asked from the bar stool he was comfortably seated on.

"Yeah," I nodded.

He lead the way to his bike where the Tacoma charter was loitering, ready to see it's VP and me off. Patiently, I leaned on the bike, waiting for him to say his goodbyes. To my surprise, Gage came over and pulled me into a one armed hug.

"Sorry 'bout the hard time I gave ya,"

"Don't worry 'bout it," I shrugged.

"He's guna be tough ta handle. Ya think ya can deal wit 'im?"

"Tough to handle? Like violence and demented shit? Oh well. He better get used to getting it from me." I grinned devilishly as I turned my head to look at Gage's face.

"Well, good luck, girlie." He smiled wide then removed his arm from my shoulder, using it to man hug Happy. "She's a keeper. When y'all comin' back?"

Happy shrugged as he mounted, gave me a spare helmet and waited for me to climb on.

"A'ight. See ya then, man." The bigger man nodded.

Happy revved the bike, and we were on the rode, destined for yet another mind sucking 14 hour ride to California.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm really hating this back and forth shit." I whined when we stopped at a gas station.

"What did I tell ya 'bout complainin'? Jesus, I know where Sack fuckin got it." He teased, starting the pump.

"I taught 'im well," I nodded once.

I was still sitting on the bike, afraid of the objection my knee would throw in my face if I tried getting off, though I no longer straddled it. He slipped between my legs and placed his hands on my hips as the gas pump worked its magic.

"You look like shit,"

"Well, thanks." He smirked at my remark.

"Hey, I'm just sayin' though you should be...**aware**." I threw my arms up.

"Fuckin' tired."

"I hear ya," I settled my arms on his shoulders.

He rested his forehead on my shoulder, grunted then let out a slight roar, man scream sounding yell.

"Amen"

* * *

okay, I know it's short. sorry, guys, i'll have more for you soon, promise!!

Not updating till you people review.


	7. Wait, Could You Repeat That?

A/N: Don't own and didn't create SOA.

I know it's short, but like Miamitravel said, this is too addicting to stop just because you guys aren't reviewing. I tried! I really did...But because I can't keep my hands of this damn keyboard, I'll write short ones. Every **other **day. That'll show you! lol, I love you guys. :)

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

* * *

**Wait, Could You Repeat That?**

So maybe the ride back was a living Hell, but the waiting on the MC boys to get out of church made everything worse. My head was ready to explode from all the directions I had to remember because Happy was in such a bad mood, he didn't feel like using his own brain, so he borrowed mine. And now I had a roaring head ache that just wouldn't leave me alone, no matter how much Tylenol I took.

Not only that, but I couldn't just go upstairs and plop on the bed since Happy wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay with Kip. Though I doubted he really cared. **And **everyone wanted to say hi again after church so they could try to get me to talk about the trip. Did I like it? Was I going to stay when Happy left again? They would blabber on and on and on about some meaningless subject in a conversation that would have no end.

From my perch on top of the bar, I could hear some laughing and cheers from the chapel. _That's a good sign, I guess?_That is, if they were congratulating Happy. They could be cheering about any number of things, like a field trip to watch two blonds in a pool of Jello. And knowing any of them, even as little as I did, that was a perfect possibility.

I had polished of my first beer and was working on a second when the chapel doors finally opened and the men flooded out. Kip, who had for once been allowed to join in on the private talk, came jogging out and leaned on the bar beside me.

"So Happy, huh? Damn. Not what I was expecting." He poked me in the side.

"Oh really? What **were** you expecting, then?"

"Prolly Chibs, seemed to get along best wit 'im.." He seemed almost uneasy, as if he wanted to say more but in a more private setting than our current one. I nodded slightly once, acknowledging his concern while letting him know we could some time tomorrow...afternoon or evening, there would be no morning for this marine, hell no.

"You ruined my hopes and dreams." Tig came up grumbling.

"You had hopes and dreams? Since when?!"

"Shut up," The blue eyed man pushed me over playfully.

"You're just pissed 'cause ya don't get ta fuck 'er" Bobby had half dragged Happy to join us at the bar.

"So?!" Tig narrowed his eyes then laughed with the rest of us.

By now everyone was crowding around me, Gemma and Tara had wandered in at some point and overheard the news. I was sitting on the bar, Happy and Kip next to me. Bobby and Tig pulled stools over to sit in front of me. Gemma was leaning into Clay and Tara was tucked under Jax's arm as they stood behind Bobby and Tig.

They were cracking jokes, Tig and Bobby were asking awkward questions the way that they do, and someone was talking about a tattoo and where the hell would I put it, if Happy and I got serious enough.

"I dunno." I looked down at Happy and raised an eyebrow.

He only shrugged and took a swig of his beer.

He and I obviously shared the same sentiment that they were being overly optimistic about the relationship. We both **wanted **it to work out the way they were talking about, but it had only been two days, not exactly long enough to be talking ink and rings.

An hour of listening to them ramble on anything from if we had sex yet to what kids would look like to what they act like the boys finally came to the conclusion that they might not look as ugly as they could, but they'd being flipping the camera the bird in their fifth mug shot by the time they were ten years old. I had to admit that while I wasn't the girl who wanted anything to do with having kids, it was pretty funny, and maybe a bit true. But I was exhausted, and had dealt with the crazy conversation long enough.

"I'm goin' ta bed." I grunted as I jumped off the bar, trying to land on my good leg only, failing miserabley. "Shit!"

"Lightweight." Tig laughed.

"Shut up. I'm friggin' tired. And **you** try landing on the leg you got a big ass gash in." I smirked at him. "night guys." Handing my beer to Happy, I walked off down the back hall.

~*~*~*~

"Bed freaking hog," I groaned as I felt him next to me.

"What?" He whispered.

"The bed's big enough ta share. Kinda made that way," I lied on my back and starred at the ceiling, following the tiny random cracks with my eyes.

"Shut up." He was lying on the side that faced me when I turned my head to look at him, sticking my tongue out at him.

I was awarded with a firm hand on my hip and a rough kiss and tongue wrestling.

Breathless, we pulled away, his body now on top of mine. After flinging the cami that I usually slept in across the room, he proceeded in slidding my sweatpants off me.

* * *

Click the pretty button with the green letters. It's **screaming** your name. :)


	8. Welcome Home

A/N: I **still **don't own and didn't create SoA.

Okay, Okay. DON'T HATE ME! I didn't **plan **on taking forever to update, life interfered with my writing. GRAWR.

**emphasis**

_thoughts or phone conversation_

**_past_**

notification

* * *

**Welcome Home**

It was eight in the morning when a ringing phone woke me up.

"Shit!" I rolled and fell on the floor with a thud. I could hear Happy groan, then chuckle as he saw me lying there. "Oh, shut up and pick up your phone!"

"Wasn't me. I have the lame ring tones, you're the one who customizes shit,"

He reached over and dragged my phone off the nightstand, tossing it on my stomach. Then swung his legs over the other side and stretched his arms and yawned loudly.

I looked at my phone, opening it, it beeped at me. One Missed Call. Kippers

I groaned and made a face. I told Kip I wasn't getting up until at least noon. Reaching up over my head, I placed my cell phone back on the nightstand and rejected Happy's hand to help me up.

"Think I'll just stay down here," I dragged a pillow off the bed and turned over so that I was lying on my stomach.

"C'me on, ya gotta talk ta Sack, look for a job and I got work, let's go," He grabbed my waist and pulled me to my feet.

"I hate you"

"No, you don't." He planted a kiss on my neck while holding me flush against his body, then turned me around.

I sighed and bent to pick up the blanket and pillow to put them back on the bed. He sat back down, watching me, that way he always did. I stayed on my knees and slid between his legs. Grinning, I took his cock in my hand and began to stroke him. Slow at first then increasing my speed. He hardened at my touch and groaned, wanting more. Leaning over, I kissed the shaft, teasing him. I ran my tongue over his now hard cock and looked up at him, arching an eyebrow. His hands gripped my shoulders to the point of almost bruising and pulled me closer. I opened my mouth, slipping him inside, and tightened my lips around him. He groaned once again and tangled a hand in my hair, keeping my pace steady. Hearing him moan, I swallowed and took him deeper, until he was fully inside and I could feel him in the back of my mouth. Tightening his grip on my hair and shoulder, he began to thrust himself inside my mouth. Blow jobs may not have been my specialty, but he seemed to be enjoying it, and tasting him made me want to continue, and see what he could do later.

"God, woman..." He groaned, a smile in his raspy voice, as his fingers began to bruise my shoulder from his ever tightening grip.

I could feel the chill that ran up his spine and prepared before he came. He had pushed himself deeper down my throat and mumbled something I was unable to decipher as he did, in one hard burst. I swallowed hard and ran my tongue over him as I pulled away, grinning.

"Damn..." He breathed.

When I stood, he grabbed my hand and pulled my onto his lap.

"You." He kissed me. "Are." Another kiss. "Amazing" He nipped my neck, hard enough to leave a mark.

"Why, thank you. You're not too bad yourself." I smiled.

He made a snorting noise and shook his head. "Yeah, I am."

"Why do you put yourself down like that?"

He kissed a trail along the dragon tattooed across my chest, then my neck, cheek and finally lips. "'cause it's true."

I didn't let him stand when he tried to gently push me off of him. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't think you were worth it, remember that."

"Right." He stood, shoving me to the side, just hard enough to force me off his lap.

It was my turn to grab his hand, pulling myself up to my feet, feeling the chill as they hit the cold hardwood flooring, I kissed him. He cupped my face, and tilted his head slightly, locking our lips together. The kiss was slow and deep and neither of us wanted it to end, but my cell phone rang...**again**.

"Ima kill that kid" He growled when I bent to answer it.

"If I leave ya any ta kill," I snapped the phone open and held it to my ear while Happy held me close to him. "What do you want?!" I roared as I heard Kip's voice.

_"I woke ya up, didn't I?"_

"Yeah, ya did. What time did I say I would be up?"

_"Noon."_

"And what time is it now?"

_"Nine..."_

"How many hours difference is that?"

_"three..."_

"That's right. You gypped me out of three hours of sleep. THREE FRIGGIN' HOURS!" Happy chuckled in my ear.

_"Uhm...sorry?"_

"You should be. Now, what the hell did you want?"

_"Can we talk? I'll buy breakfast?"_

"Fine."

I sighed as I threw the phone on the bed and looked up at Happy.

"Kid wants ta talk. He's buying food."

"It's guna be the 'do ya know what the fuck you're doin' speech, ya know."

"Yeah, I know." I shrugged.

"As long as you know" He pressed his lips hard to mine in a moaning inducing kiss. Then pulled away, allowing us to get ready for the day.

~*~*~*~

The ride to the diner was fine, though I was used to riding with Happy.

"You're slow." I complained, mocking the way he whined.

"That was the speed limit"

"Who follows the rules?"

I closed the door before he walked in so he ran into it.

"Sorry" I smirked.

I took a seat at a random booth and watched as Kip slid into the seat opposite of me, rubbing his head. We made small talk about my time in Tacoma as we waited for the waitress to come take our orders.

With the waitress out of the way for a while, he spoke first.

"Why him?"

"What?"

"Why Happy? What made you fall for him?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I just like 'im. He's kinda in the background, doesn't talk too much. He sure as hell ain't some kinda hopeless romantic."

Kip nodded as the waitress set our drinks down. "Well, just be careful with 'im"

"What duh ya mean?"

"He's not guna be...faithful all the time. We'll be out on a run and he'll fuck some other chick. It's inevitable, Jay. And by the way, what's with you picking all the violent ones? I mean, Jesus, he's the club's friggin' hit man. And if he's pissed...damn."

"Number one: As long as it's not some long term thing or at home, I really don't care. Two: I kin handle myself. He's never even tried to lay hand on me, never even looked at me like he would,"

"Yeah," He stared at the bite mark on my neck and motioned to it.

"Kip, he bit me. Do I have ta go over the details of that?" I smiled at the thought of this morning, though it troubled me still how Happy had said those things about himself...

"Uh, please don't" Kip's voice ripped through my thoughts.

"Good, I wasn't going to."

"Just be careful, that's all I'm sayin' I've seen what he's capable of, it's scary shit."

I chugged down my Coke as the waitress placed our food in front of us. She gave us a strange look but then saw his cut and suddenly the conversation was completely normal.

~*~*~*~

**_"Mommy, why are you crying?"_**

**_My mother said nothing, only sobbed into her hands._**

**_"Mommy?" I gently tugged on her shirt sleeve. "What's wrong?"_**

**_She shook her head, wiped her face and picked me up onto her lap. "It's Daddy..." She trailed off and gazed at the floor._**

**_I tilted my head, not understanding what she was trying to tell me._**

**_"He's not coming home, baby...He-He was killed today..."_**

**_The tears flooded her eyes and fell onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around her as best I could. My vision became blurry due to the water welling up, no matter how hard I tried to hold it in._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_"How?! How did you let this happen?!" I could hear her screaming from the living room as I lie in bed, unable to sleep._**

**_"Rachel, calm down...He was doing his job"_**

**_"Calm down?! How the hell am I supposed to calm down?! I have a five year old, no husband and now your saying that I don't have an income to support us?! You try being calm!"_**

**_"He was in the line of fire, he know that. Blame him, not me!" My late father's partner was losing his temper; my mother always wound him up._**

**_"You...you, you could have tried to get him to move...I just don't know what to do...What can I do, Joe?"_**

**_There was silence; I could hear the uncomfortable shifting._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_Following my mother, I stumbled to the coffin and looked at my father's lifeless body. Half of the casket was closed, but I could see he was in his police uniform. I placed the small flower on his chest and remembered when he taught me how to play soccer, causing the tears to fall harder which visibly re-broke my mother's heart._**

**_"Bye-bye, Daddy..." I sobbed, unable to stay strong for another minute._**

**_I felt a pair of strong arms snake themselves around me and pull me close._**

**_"Its gunna be okay..." I heard Joe's soft voice trying to soothe the pain as my mother fell to her knees beside us, running her hand through my hair._**

**_He held me into his chest as the rest of his team and police force watched me drench the young man's dress shirt and suit jacket in a mixture of tears and snot, though he didn't seem to mind._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_It was only months later that I noticed when of my father's friends was hanging around the house a lot more than he used to. His name was Paul, he told me, though I already knew him from when my father took me to visit the police station every Friday. Those regular visits ceased but Joe would pick me up and bring me over every once and a while._**

**_Joe stepped up to father figure roll when Dad died, whether it was from guilt or because he genuinely cared, I still don't know and don't really care. Paul was more like the kid down the street with a giant crush on me, trying to convince me of some cliché love-at-first-sight story._**

~*~*~*~

Sitting on the bar, I chatted it up with Bobby, trying to see what kind of shops there were that were interesting to me. Tattoo parlor, sounds fun, but they weren't hiring, figures. Coffee shop, not good with complaining people. Salon, preppy people? Hell to the no. Cigar shop, gross. Sure that may have given the boys an advantage over this guy, Zobelle, but the idea of working with a Nazi, wasn't exactly appealing.

"There's always a liquor store."

"HA! Me surrounded by booze? You think that's a good idea?" I laughed out.

"True...Hmmm..There's a little boutique that would probably take ya"

"I can do that." I nodded once then asked for directions.

~*~*~*~

I got the job in a heartbeat, all I had to do was walk in and inquire.

~*~*~*~

Friday rolled around a lot faster than anyone thought it would. I had completely forgot about the surprise that they were supposed to have for me so I wasn't particularly ready when the two bikers stopped their bikes in front of Caroline's Boutique and revved loudly before shutting them off and making their way into the store. The owner, Caroline, was staring at them.

"Hey you. Ya ready?" Happy tilted his head as he eyed me.

"For...?" I stepped around the counter in a tight black t shirt and grey skinny jeans, belt buckle proudly displaying the USMC seal. He gave a low wolf whistle.

"You'll see,"

I looked behind him at Tig.

"C'me on," The blue eyed man was as impatiant as ever.

I shrugged as I waved to Caroline, who nodded, and followed the boys out the glass door. Happy handed me the helmet he had managed the time to buy for me, I strapped it on and mounted the bike behind him.

~*~*~*~

The clubhouse seemed quiet, the lights were off and no one was in sight. Though everyone's bikes were there, and a few, well, a lot extra.

Happy backed into his spot, dismounted and took the helmet from my hand. He walked towards Tig, I followed quickly behind him, grumbling.

"Why do you have ta walk so damn fast?"

"Get used to it, Marine." He smirked.

Tig strode ahead of us, leading the way to the clubhouse. I felt something brush against my hand. Looking down, I realized what Happy was doing. His hand slid under my arm and around my waist, pulling my tightly against him.

"Thought you didn't like physical contact in public" I whispered.

"Fuck it" He looked down at me and smiled.

Tig yanked the door open, only missing my face because I leaned back. Happy's outstretched arm caught it while the other pushed me inside.

My breath caught when I turned my turn from glaring at him. The bar was full of men wearing Sons cuts, random women and a bottle of Jack Daniel's on the table, my name written on it in Sharpie.

"Surprise," Happy whispered, lips to my ear, his hands on my shoulders.

"What the hell?"

"Every Marine deserves a homecoming party. Ours happens to be a patch over. Everyone in the Charters of three states, plus the nomads, are here. 'Cause you're home!" Kip bounced up and down in front of me.

"**Welcome Home!"** The California and most of the Tacoma charters whooped and hollered and raised their beers as if on cue.

* * *

Wasn't really planning to leave it there, but site's being dumb, so I guess I will. Press the review button? Pretty please with a mound of chocolate chips on top?


	9. Ink It Is

A/N: I still don't own SoA or any of their characters. _Sigh._

I have nothing to say at this point.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

_

* * *

_

_"Is that your hand, on my girlfriend? Is that your hand? I wish you'd do it again, I'll watch you leave here limping..." --Next Contestant by Nickelback._

**Ink It Is**

"Would you stop twitching?! Jesus, you're worse than me." Happy's leg kept bouncing under me causing me to bob up and down.

He poked me in the side as a response. I flinched and decided to sit next to him instead. His gaze shifted, running over me, a chill shooting up my spine. We sat on the couch inside the clubhouse, not wanting to venture outside. Too many crow eaters, not that there weren't any in here, there were just less of them. And in here they were sober enough not to try anything with him.

"I'm gettin' a beer, want another?" I offered, grabbing his empty bottle.

"That'd be great" He smiled.

I pushed myself off the couch and walked off to the kitchen. A man came behind me as I pulled the door to the fridge open.

"So you're the chick they were talkin' 'bout." A deep voice slurred behind me.

"If you're talkin' 'bout a marine, that's me." I grabbed two amber bottles, closed the fridge and leaned on it.

"Huh." He tried to close the distance but I shifted so he ran into the off white door of the fridge.

"Kinda seein' someone, sorry" I shrugged.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Who?"

"Ya know the Tacoma boy one with all the smiley tats that would blow your brains out if he knew you were in here comin' at me like this? Yeah, him."

"Those biker boys don't have girlfriends. Just hit and runs." His angular face twisted as he tried to look convincing.

"Mhm." I attempted to brush past him but his arm stopped me from doing so. "Let go of me!"

He slammed me hard against the wall. I obviously yelled loud enough for Happy to hear because before either me or the other man knew it, he was standing behind him.

"What the fuck?!" He roared, his smoker's voice making him seem even more intimidating than he already was.

"Get the hell off me!" I yelled.

"He's not guna save ya." The man growled, his hand starting to pull my shirt off of me.

"Like hell I'm not!" Happy gripped the collar of the man's sweatshirt, ripped him off me and shoved him to the floor. "Stay the fuck down! You won't be gettin' up next time." He growled than spat on the man laying on the floor. "Come here" He pointed to the space in front of him, his voice a little softer, though not much.

I walked over to him. "I could've done that."

"I know. You a'ight?" He dropped his hand on my shoulder and turned me side to side.

"Yeah...Who was that guy?" I looked on the floor, noticing the man trying to crawl away.

"Prolly some hangaround, never seen him so he ain't in the MC..." He followed my gaze and kicked the man hard in the ribs, sending him sprawling on his back.

"Oh..."

"Yeah," He looked over me again, running his hand down my body, checking for cuts or sore spots. Or bullet holes.

"I'm fine, really." I stopped his hand on my stomach.

He nodded and slid his hand around my waist, holding it on the small of my back. "You wanna go back or hang here for a bit?"

I shrugged and stared in front of me, though the only I saw was the front of Happy's cut and white t shirt. The sight felt strangely comforting. He pulled a chair out from the table and sunk into it, pulling me with him, hooking my legs over his. Cupping my face in his hands, he brought it down to meet his, kissing me.

"You're amazing, you know that?" He spoke against my lips.

I only smiled and kissed him back, my hands on his chest. He held me to him but pulled his head away.

"I think we need ta get you that tat, people'll stay away from ya."

I nodded my approval. "Where?"

He glanced over my body then slid is hand to my hip.

"Okay."

"I'll draw it up and do it."

I nodded as his hand moved up my body and to the back of neck, pressing our mouths together again. He pushed my lips apart, his tongue caressing mine. A soft moan escaped me as his hands started to roam. We jerked apart when we heard the man groan on the floor. Happy rolled his eyes, kissed my one last hard time and stood up, bringing me with.

"You go and get Clay and the boys,His voice grew sinister, I knew he was planning something.

"Okay." I walked to the doorway, running my hand down his arm, squeezing his hand and letting it fall back to his side.

~*~*~*~

I ran around the clubhouse and parking lot asking anyone who would listen if they'd seen Clay. I found him sitting at a table with Tig, Chibs, Kip, Jax and Bobby. _That's convinient._Some girl was sitting on Tig when I walked up.

"Happy wants you guys." I interrupted the man's make out session. Tig shoved the girl off his lap and leaned in.

"For what?"

"Uh, something happened. He's in the kitchen."

"What kind of something?" Kip asked.

"This guy was drunk and caught me in kitchen when I went ta get a beer. Happy found 'im tryin' ta take my shirt off. Kicked his ass 'fore I could. I dunno what he's guna do now, but he's wants you guys."

"A'ight, Tig and Sack, go." Clay ordered.

The two nodded and followed me back to the kitchen where Happy was sitting on the table, staring at the man that lay bloodied on the floor, a cold and hardened expression on his face. He stood and turned me around, pushing me gently back out to the other room.

"Go chill with Chibs or someone." The tone of his voice made me listen.

~*~*~*~

I had grown bored with sitting and drinking by the boys so I made my way up to my room. Hours had gone by since the incident in the kitchen and yet Happy, Tig and Kip hadn't come back. No one had seen them or the other guy, so I assumed they were going to take a long while. Sighing, I stepped out of my jeans and tossed them aside. I traded my tank top for one of Happy's t shirts. Throwing the covers back, I slid onto the bed, turned the pillow sideways as I usually did, and clutched it. That man had reminded me so much of Paul..._Don't think about him! _My eyes fluttered closed as I drifted of and let sleep claim me.

~*~*~*~

I was only partially asleep when I felt an arm slide under mine and settle on my belly. I was pulled into a warm body where someone kissed my shoulder blade and buried their face into my neck.

"Happy?"

He grunted.

"You're cuddling,"

"Shut up."

"What's wrong?" I turned over on my back while Happy stayed on his side, looking down at me, his hand remaining my on belly.

He shook his head, not wanting to talk about it.

"Okay, you don't gotta tell me."

He rolled over, lying on top of me and laid a kiss on my neck. His hands slipped underneath me, supporting his weight and holding me flush against him. "Stay with me." He whispered in my ear.

"What?" I turned my head to face him, speaking with my lips brushing his cheek.

"Don't go" His arms tightened around me.

"I'm not going anywhere, why would I?" I twitched my shoulder for him to look at me but he didn't, only nuzzled my neck.

I noticed the warm, damp feeling between his hands and my back, soaking through the shirt.

"What the hell...?" Glancing to his side of the bed, I noticed that part of the sheet was darker than the rest, even with the lights off.

"we killed 'im..."

"I'm not guna leave ya because you killed some guy, I really don't--"

"He had a picture of you in 'is pocket..." He squeezed me again and kissed my neck.

I shivered and said nothing.

"You were only a kid, but I knew it was you...In a blue dress, and decked out 'n' tucked un'er some guy's arm. Looked like you were like fifteen..."

"Homecoming, sophomore year...His name was Jake, kid was like a brother..."

"Guy said he knew ya from a long time ago...Said his name was Patrick. Ya know 'im?"

My breath caught. "Lawrence's brother...We knew each other back then, he was Jake's friend..."

"That assface you beat the shit outta? Thought maybe he was a friend or somethin'...Then, no, I don't think you're guna go anymore." He tried to push himself off and roll over but I held him where he was.

"Stay?"

Grunting he turned to his side, kissing my neck. _Is that some kinda fetish or_ _something, I mean, Jesus. He's always doing that. _His hand slid down my breast, over my belly and slipped between my legs. Slowly, it made its way into my panties and pulled them away. He crushed his lips down on mine as I moaned when he began to stroke me gently. He smiled against my lips as he worked his fingers harder over my wet pussy, then slid two of them inside of me. I gasped and raised my hips into him. He stopped kissing me and stared down at me, looking me in the eye.

"Babe..." I breathed.

"Shhh...Don't talk, a'ight? Just...Don't talk..." He shook his head.

He moved his fingers inside me, taking in all my moans and continued to gaze down at me. I didn't break eye contact with him until I felt myself beginning to climax. His free arm slid under me held my body against his when my back arched. I panted into his ear while he leaned in and press a soft kiss to my throat. I tipped my head back as I felt that chill running up my spine and cried out when I came around his fingers. His lips curled into a smile against my throat as he pulled his fingers out of me, one of a time, and rolled back to his post on top of me while I tried to catch my breath.

"You have no _idea _what ya do ta me." He moved his hands back to my hips. "You fuck with my head every time. Every..." He kissed me. "fucking..." Another kiss. "Time" He shifted so his face hovered slightly over mine, lips ghosting over mine, teasing me.

"I could try ta stop...?"

"No."

I pulled away from his kiss.

"I like it." He shrugged and pressed his lips to mine in a deep kiss that pushed me into the mattress. He pulled back up and rested his forehead on mine. "Go ta sleep."

"Now you're tellin' me what ta do?" I joked.

He kissed me again, lightly, and rolled over on his back. "We're headin' back home wit the rest of the boys tomorra,"

"Why tomorrow?" I whined.

"Uh...**Business **deal. Tacoma VP's gotta be there."

"That sucks."

"A-fucking-men."

Looking over at him, watching him trace the texture of the ceiling, my body ached to be held against him again, touch him. He wasn't one to cuddle or hold, I wasn't one to want it, but tonight was different. That guy, Patrick, he always reminded me of my perverted stepfather, and I didn't want to be alone if he came up in my dreams. But that overly obnoxious, cautious part of me screamed and roared about how bad of an idea it was to try. I wanted nothing more than to be crushed in his tan arms, nothing more than to fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, my head rested against his chest, smelling his smoke and booze scent.

He must've read my mind because he lifted his arm, whispering, "It's a'ight...for tonight"

I nodded and shot under his arm and buried my face into his bare chest. His hands clasped on my shoulder.

"It's never guna happen again. Ever. I won't let it. Promise." He whispered.

"I know..." I placed a kiss on his chest and closed my eyes.

"I'm not worth it." He spoke after a few silent moments passed.

"Shut up. You are, get over it."

"No, I'm not, Jay. I'm a fucking murderer and a violent asshole. There's no reason for you ta be...Here, with me. So, why?"

"I dunno. Guess I'm not into pacifist sweethearts and teddy bears with flowers and chocolate."

"Good. 'Cause you ain't gettin' any of that shit."

"Good." I mindlessly traced one of the many tattoos that graffitied his torso, loving the feel of his skin under my fingertip, until I felt asleep.

~*~*~*~

"Go away!" I yelled at the sound of a bang on the door, pulling the pillow over my head.

"Happy in there?"

"Will ya leave me the fuck alone if he is?"

"no, y'all need ta get up. We're headin' out in a half hour."

"Shitdammitfuck, I hate you." I flung an arm out and shoved Happy. "Get up."

"Why don't you?" He snapped.

"I will when you do." I retorted.

I stood and stalked to the door, trying to smooth my hair. I yanked it open as the man behind it was about to shout to us again, forgetting I only wore Happy's t shirt.

"C'mon, Hap. We gotta go." He called to the man that still lie sprawled on his back, legs tangled in the sheet.

He covered his face with his arm and made that half shouting, half roaring, sound he made when he was frustrated.

"A-fucking-men." I muttered, leaning into the doorframe, resting my forehead against the back of my hands. "Mornings suck balls."

"Ya ride 'im that hard last night? Jesus, girl." The man chuckled as he turned and strode down the hallway.

~*~*~*~

After a quick shower, a fight with the dresser drawer that decided not to open, a fight with the zipper of my backpack that decided it wasn't going to close, a fight with Kip over leaving, a fight with the strap of my helmet which decided it was going to snap, and a tag team fight with Happy against his bike who decided not to start up, the morning was really starting to suck. The thought of yet another fourteen hour ride to Tacoma looming ahead of us, didn't brighten the mood.

"Maybe it's an omen" Kip stalled.

"Shut up. She made up her mind, get over it!" Happy shot back, hating the opposition the kid was giving. He was ready to snap the Prospect's neck, I could see it in his eyes, but he restrained himself.

After hugging everyone in the group, I mounted behind Happy and wrapped my arms around him, wishing we could just be in Washington already.

We weren't half way through Oregon when the storm hit. Rain, wind, thunder and lighting, the whole damn crew was there. The

"Maybe it was a fucking omen" I offered, earning a glare from Happy.

* * *

Click the pretty button! :D


	10. OMG Moment

A/N: Still don't own SoA...ho hum.

Thank you for the reviews. I promise to update over the weekend...kinda, sorta, maybe.

**emphasis**

_thoughts or distant voice_

_

* * *

_

_"...Hope fills the heart and fades away. Skin white as winter, as the sky returns to grey..." --Anthem of the Angels, Breaking Benjamin_

**OMG Moment**

I sat at a booth in a diner we had decided to stop at instead of riding in the thunderstorm. None of us minded getting soaked, but we couldn't see because the rain was coming down so hard and the wind alone was enough to make one of the bikes lose balance. Happy, Gage and Switch, the charter President, were in a back room talking to their **business** partner on speaker phone, to notify them of the delay. From the shouting I could hear, the other line wasn't taking the news so well.

_"What, we __**wanted**__ it to fuckin' downpour on us?! We weren't plannin' on a freak storm. Shut up and deal wit the situation!" _Happy was yelling.

_Great, he's pissed._

Their Prospect slid into the booth across from me with one of the other members. I continued to hum along to whatever was playing on my ipod and stared out the rain streaked window.

"I hate rain." The Prospect grumbled.

"Amen, brother."

My leg twitched and began bouncing to the beat of the song as I crossed my arms in front of me on the table and buried my face in them.

"We borin' you, sweetheart?"

"Call me sweetheart one more time, I dare ya. I fucking dare you." I snapped.

"Wake on the wrong side of the bed?"

"No, woke up on the goddamn floor, in the middle of the night. Your VP's a fucking bed hog." I let out a frustrated sigh, loud enough for the three men, who just re-entered the room, to hear.

"Shut up, you love it." I could hear the smirk in Happy's voice. "Could **you** try to place nice?" He whispered as he sat beside me.

"I gave y'all fair warning, I'm a total bitch in the morning." I spoke normally.

"Way past morning, sweet-" Switch laughed but caught himself before he could finish the last word.

"Nice catch, smartass." I looked up when I felt Happy nudge me.

"Scoot" He pushed me over towards the window.

Switch sat beside him, squishing me against the cold glass. Groaning, I brought my feet to the booth and hugged my knees. I felt a couple of the men staring at my, then snickering at Happy.

"Shut up. I feel like shit."

"Drink too much?" Gage laughed out.

"No...I don't know, man. Ima fucking puke."

"Not on me or the bike" Happy sipped his Coke.

"Jesus Christ. Move!" I shouted at the two men blocking my path to the bathroom.

"Aw, shit." They hurried as fast as they could, but with the waitress blocking Switch, it wasn't fast enough.

I climbed over both their laps and hopped off the booth to the tile. Grabbing the door frame of the bathroom, I shoved the door open as I flung myself inside. I collapsed in the stall on my knees next to the toilet. _Great. Happy's pissed, and I'm puking. Lovely. _My stomach rolled, sending me closer to the toilet as I vomitted into it.

"You okay?" A voice called from the doorway of the restroom.

"No." I heaved, yet again. "motherfucker!"

A hand brushed my hair out of the way and held it back, two legs braced just behind my back.

I slumped over the bowl again, hating the burning as only acid came up. "Jesus Christ." I muttered, sitting back against whoever was behind me.

"Shit!" I heard a rough voice, distinctively Happy, breathe out above me as he stared back down.

"What?"

"We never used a fucking condom...shit!"

"Oh, God...Wait..No. Can't be that," I shook my head.

"How do **you** know that?" He growled, though if he was angry with me, I couldn't tell.

"Because, morning sickness is usually after six weeks...We've been together like a week."

I thought back to each and every time we spent naked with each other. The chance that a fetus was growing inside me was greater than it not. But I nodded, I knew what kind of trouble this sort of thing would bring, and neither of us wanted **that **favor being brought to the party. Except...

"When we get back home, you're doin' the test--"

"Hap, I'm on my period, that's why I was kinda moody yesterday. Why my stomachs been cramping. This might just be that to. Trust me, shit like this always happens to the women in my family. It's not a fucking baby."

He nodded and hung his head. "Thank God..." He whispered low enough for me to barely make it out.

"Amen"

"Ya done, or ya got more in ya?" He gestured for the toilet.

"Think I'm, shit." I leaned forward, sticking my face back in the bowl, heaving. "goddamn." I breathed when that latest fit was over. "think I'm done now."

"Sure?" He raised an eyebrow.

I nodded and used his shoulder to help me up.

"Gimme a head start, will ya?"

I nodded and headed towards the sinks, running the water. I cupped my hands, let them fill with the cool, clear liquid and splashed it over my face. Running my hands down it, I groaned. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was flushed, hair was in a shaggy bed-head do, eyes were thinly rimmed with red. I looked like I felt, like shit. Inhaling and releasing a deep breath, I my way out to the group of bikers.

~*~*~*~

We made it back to Tacoma, only stopping one more time for me to hunch over a disgusting public toilet and reluctantly rid my stomach of whatever was left within it. My throat still burned, no matter how much water I gulped down and my stomach growled angrily at me for denying it food. I brought our few bags to our room while Happy slipped away to the drug or convient store, that hopefully would still be open.

Over the week that we'd been together we decided it would just be best to share the dorm room, seeing as every time he left town I was coming with him and we'd already slept together anyway. Sometimes it was obnoxious, but we also had some pretty good nights, too.

Sitting on the bed, I couldn't help but evaluate what could have been my situation. Being pregnant wasn't appealing to me in the least and I found myself begging whatever higher being there may be that, it wouldn't happen. I lied down and stared at the ceiling, my feet still planted on the floor like it was some sort of security blanket. Closing my eyes, I tried to come up with my usual 'just in case' plan. What would I do if it somehow occured? I don't think I could abort, adoption was always a valid option, but giving up a child had to mess with you at least a little bit, and keeping the baby...Would Happy really go for that? Doubt it.

I shot up when I heard the door open and saw Happy walk in. He tossed the plastic bag he held beside me. Without saying anything I grabbed it, and looked up at him, eyebrow raised.

"BC"

"Ah. Wow, you actually think with your gun **and** your brain!" I smirked.

"Yeah. Sometimes." He grinned, grabbed my shoulders and playfully tackled me on the bed.

He straddled my waiste as he sat up.

"Fucking freaked me out in there, Jay." He whispered.

"Yeah, well." I tried to sit up as well but his hands kept me pinned to the sheets.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I pulled him down to me.

"How about we don't think about 'what if's?"

He nodded, kissed my throat and pushed himself up to fling his t shirt across the room, where it landed on the dresser. He rid himself of his jeans, so he was left wearing only his boxers and crawled to the pillow where he callasped with an "oof," and almost immediately began to snore.

I rolled my eyes at him, then slid out of my own denim prison for legs and curled up facing the wall and clutching my pillow. Before my eyes drifted shut, I knicked the bag containing the birth control off the bed. I didn't fall asleep at first, memories and thoughts pounding and roaring through my head like a blizzard, only it didn't let up.

* * *

Clicky da pretty button. :D


	11. Past, Present and Future Enemies

A/N: Disclaimers stop here 'cause I'm sick of writing them. SoA is not mine, and sadly never will be. Same with random brand names that happen to be thrown into the mix.

Okay, so I didn't update over the weekend...Sorry. But I'm updating now, partly because Rene said please. Claps for Rene. Everyone thank he/she.

**WARNING!:** Sexual abuse mentioned. Implied not detailed but you know it's happening.

**emphasis**

**_past_**

_**Past thoughts**_

_present thoughts_

_

* * *

_

**The Past, Present and Future Enemies (Part 1)**

**_"You won't pull the trigger. You don't have the guts!" He was yelling, laughing, not realizing how much the gun was begging my finger to increase the pressure on the trigger._**

**_"I-I will! Get away from me!" The tears were running hot down my face._**

**_"Jay, put down the gun...Give it to me" Joe was trying to steal my attention from Paul._**

**_"NO! He-He-He killed 'em! Both of 'em..."_**

**_"Don't even bother acting tough, sweetheart! We all know you're just gonna run, like ya always do" His voice was thick with lust and venom as he stepped closer to me._**

**_"Get away from me!"_**

**_"Paul, back the fuck off." Joe drew his own gun from the holster on his belt._**

**_"What do you think you're doing?"_**

**_There was a loud bang, and it didn't come from the gun I held, or Joe's. My feet grew damp and warm. I looked down to see Joe lying motionless on the ground, his blood pooling around me. Paul took the opportunity to grab the gun from my hands and shove me hard against the wall, knocking the breath our of me as his hand covered my mouth. He toyed with the fabric of my shirt with the fingers of his free hand before he ripped it off, the fact that I was only ten simply turning him on._**

~*~*~*~

I sat up, board straight before the worst part of the memory came flooding into my mind. Still breathing heavily, I lied back down, hoping I didn't wake Happy. He groaned and rolled over, ploping a protective arm across my stomach. I closed my hand around it. Looking over at him, I somehow felt safer than I ever did when I was starting a new life alone. I knew my capablities, they were nothing to be ashamed of. But I found myself having more confidence in him than my ability to take care of myself now. Was I really falling this fast for a man who openly told me he was a murderer and...how did he put it? Right. 'Violent asshole.'

Maybe that was why I liked him so much. He was completely honest with me and knew about my past a didn't care. He even killed a man because the guy threatened me.

I watched him sleep for a little while longer, aimlessly tracing his tattoo sleeve with my finger tip before I finally passed out again.

~*~*~*~

I woke up on my stomach in the dorm, light streaming into my eyes from the cracks in the shades that tried desperately to cover the windows. I flung out my arm only to find the spot next to me empty, the sheets no longer warm from Happy's body heat. _Goddammit. What time is...What the hell?_The mattress below me sank as two hands placed themselves on either side of my head, two knees doing the same around my hips. Rolling over, I found myself staring up at a grinning Happy. He wore a wrinkled SAMCRO t shirt that probably should have been in the laundry and jeans, though I doubted he took a shower yet.

"Morning" I whispered.

"Afternoon." He corrected, grinning wider.

"Why'd ya lemme sleep?"

"You puked yer guts out yesterday, thought you could use it. 'Specially wit last night"

"Oh, right."

"Ya feelin' any better?"

"Li'l. Stomach still hurts like a bitch, but I'll be a'ight."

"'Kay." He leaned down and barely brushed our lips together. "You a'ight?"

"You just as--"

"Besides that. Last night, ya freaked out..."

"Just a nightmare."

He pulled up. "You a'ight?"

I nodded.

"Liar."

"What time is it, anyway?" I changed topics before we could get into too much detail.

"I dunno. One?" He shrugged.

I nodded. "Should prolly get up."

Propping myself on my elbows, I attempted to get up but he pushed me back down. His hands on my shoulders, he pinned my to the sheets and leaned down again, kissing and running his tongue over my lip.

"D'you take a shower yet?"

His grin widened as he climbed off me and got to his feet. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, ruffled my hair a bit and stood as well.

"Grab my sweatpants, will ya?"

Instead he slipped behind me and pushed me through the door.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"The boys er workin', told 'em I was waitin' for you ta get up. I'm takin' the second shift." He slapped my ass as we made our way down the hall.

"How sweet" I smirked when we got to the bathroom and turned, backing against the door.

He leaned on his hands that rested on either side of my head. "Whatever." Then crushed his lips against mine.

Instead of wrapping my arms around him, my hand found the door knob and twisted it. He walked me through the door then kicked it closed with the heel of his boot.

Somehow me managed to turn the water on, get it the right temperature, strip each other and step into the shower without breaking the kiss. Instead of pressing me against the wall, like I would have thought he would, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body as close to him as it could get. His grip loosened when we came up for air. I turned from him, grabbing my shampoo bottle. It was obvious which one it was, seeing as it was the only girl shampoo in the shower. I washed my hair, he didn't do it for me, only leaned back against the wall. He watched as I turned back around and tipped my head back, letting the water rinse the lather from my hair. I smiled as I felt his hands on my hips, front of his legs brush against mine and lips and teeth on my neck. He pulled me from the spray, pressed me against the wall and lifted me where I could wrap my legs around his waist.

~*~*~*~

I stood in front of the mirror, trying to see myself through the condensation with Happy behind me, dressed and ready to go.

"Can we just leave?" He grumbled. Apparently he had something to show me. Something he couldn't show me in our room. If he wanted to reveal it there, I wouldn't have to worry about my make up or my hair.

"Hang on..." I capped my eyeliner and turned to him, leaning on the sink. "Now we get to go grab my jeans. **Then** we can go."

He opened the door and stalked out. "Meet ya outside."

"A'ight." I jogged into the dorm, yanked my jeans from my backpack and stepped into them, shoving my eyeliner into my pocket.

When I made it outside, I found Happy already on the bike, taking a drag from his cigarette and waiting for me.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." I mounted behind him after snapping on the helmet.

~*~*~*~

We arrived at a little diner on the outskirts of the town. I have to admit, I was pretty confused. He told me he had something to show me. What, greasy fast food? Though I said nothing, maybe there was something inside.

He found a booth in the corner by the window and sat down in the spot where he could see everything that was going on in the restaurant.

"Ya know how I told ya I was guna draw up the tat?"

"Yeah..."

"Well..." He pulled a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his cut. "here it is."

"Cool. You couldn't show me this at the Clubhouse?"

"I was hungry." He shrugged and handed me the paper.

I rolled my eyes and unfolded it. On it, there was a sketch of two crossed M16 scythes. Where they touched was sealed by a happy face, almost identical to the ones that littered Happy's torso, and underneath that, in the opening at the bottom of the scythes, was the anarchy symbol.

"Can I...who drew that?" The waitress asked, eyeing Happy and peering over my shoulder.

I turned my head and refolded the paper.

"You mind **not **breathing down my neck?" It was more of a demand than an actual question.

"Oh, um, sorry...Can I get y'all somethin' to drink?"

"Coke."

"Make it two" Happy now had his arms crossed, he always hated it when people got in his business.

"Alright, I'll be right back to take your orders" She faked a smile and walked away.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" I stated bluntly when she was out of earshot as I, again, unfolded the papare and began to trace the lines with my finger.

"I may have..." He paused. "You like it?"

"Like it? I fucking love it! When we doin' this?"

"We could do it today, if you want."

"Sure."

"When I get off work, I'll do it."

"Sweet. The hip right?"

"Changed my mind. Shoulder blade. Not the dragon side."

"Yessir."

~*~*~*~

Our food had come, been demolished, and taken away and we waited for the check to come. We didn't say much, and currently sat in silence, him staring out the window, me staring at him. He straightened up and leaned forward toward the glass, a low warning growl escaping his lips.

"Hap?" I whispered.

"Motherfucker"

"Uhm..." I was a bit taken aback by the comment but soon realized it wasn't directed to me as he shoved off the booth and headed to the parking lot, motioning for me to stay where I was.

I looked through the window and watched as Happy approached a man in the parking lot. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place my finger on where I knew from. Almost instantly, Happy was in the man's face, yelling in response to whatever he said. After a while, Happy spread his legs a little wider, bending his knees slightly and crossed his arms across his chest. The look in his eyes told me he was about to pull the gun from the waistband of his jeans and shove it down the man's throat. The man smirked and said something Happy obviously didn't like. Happy pointed a finger in the man's face, growled out a few words that made his face turn red and his eyes drop. The man half sprinted away, methophoric tail stuffed between his legs.

A second later my phone rang.

_"Check come yet?"_

"No...Still waiting, what was that about?"

_"Don't ask."_

"A'ight."

_"Leave a few bills on the table, leave a note, put my name on it. They'll get the message."_

"Kay, be right out."

~*~LATER ON THAT NIGHT~*~

**_We sat smiling in the park. I was in his arms, surrounded by him. He kissed my cheek just as the picture was snapped._**

~*~*~*~

And so I now sat on the bar, waiting for Happy and the boys to be done with church, staring at the photo. It may have been years ago, but a part of me still loved the man in this picture, a part that never wanted to let go of what we had.

I heard the clink of a beer being set beside me but I didn't look up, not yet. A shadow covered the photograph briefly, then glided swiftly away. A voice muttered something and footsteps came towards me, but I paid them no attention. I was too absorbed in the memory.

~*~*~*~

**_"So baby girl, is that a yes?" He looked down at me, smiling._**

**_"Of course! Oh my God, of fucking course!" I clung to him, arms wrapped around his neck, legs snaked around his waist._**

**_"I love you, baby girl."_**

**_"I love you too." Our lips collided as our friends clapped and 'awed.'_**

**_Jake had taken the picture, his girlfriend Anna, daring him to see what "the two love-bird marines," as she put it, would do._**

**_Never in a million years did I think Nate and I could ever be torn apart._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

I felt eyes boring into me, watching me, waiting, trying to read the thoughts that invaded my mind like a tsunami. But I was locked in the trance, unable to block it all out, incapable of prying my gaze from the glossy paper I held between my fingers.

~*~*~*~

**_Lying on the rooftop with all our gear and camouflage was a lot hotter than the movies make it seem, and a whole lot less romantic. Sweat poured from our faces and everywhere else as we watched our men close in on the house across the dirt road. I looked up for a moment to wipe the condensation from the scope of my gun._**

**_"D'you hear that?" He whispered._**

**_"Yeah...you take right I'll go left"_**

**_"Alright. Meet ya at the middle chimney."_**

**_I nodded my response, picked up my gun, looked around and stood, well more like crouched. He slipped behind me, watching my six while keeping the other eye on our men, who were now entering the building. The step I took was angled and in looking back, I guess it was for the better. I heard a muffled sound then the bullet hit my shoulder and impacted with the man behind my. I clambered to the nearest chimney and put my back against it, breathing heavily and doing my best not to cry out in pain._**

**_"Nate?!" I whispered it out, unable to find my full voice. "Oh God, Nate..."_**

**_I grabbed the extra strapped to my leg and belly crawled to where he lie on the rooftop._**

**_"Stay with me. C'me on, Nate. Ya gotta stay with me"_**

**_He tried to speak but only choked up his own blood. The bullet wasn't stopped by the vest, only slowed a little. Armor piercing fuckers! I held my hand to the wound. Picking up the radio, I was about to tell the rest of the team when shots rang out from the house ahead of us._**


	12. Past, Present and Future Enemies prt 2

I'm too tired right now to type anything here.

**emphasis**

**_past_**

**_past thoughts or phone convo_**

_thoughts_

* * *

_"What I've found, in this town, I'm headed for a breakdown..." Breaking Benjamin's Breakdown_

**Past, Present and Future Enemies (part 2)**

I didn't even realize I started crying in the world outside my thoughts. It was something I never did. "Always be strong. Don't let 'em get the best of you, ever!" The words I lived by, the words my father used to say to me.

There was a gentle tug on the photo but my grip didn't lessen. A sharp intake of breath from whoever stood in front of me followed as they obviously saw what I was holding.

"Hey... Are you okay?" It wasn't the raspy, almost painful voice I was used to. It was calm and gentle. It was definitely female.

I didn't answer, at least I didn't think I did.

"What's your name?" A hand found its way to my knee.

"Jay-Jayden..." I shook my head violently, trying to regain composure, desperately attempting to shove Nate out of my thoughts, hell, all of the memories rushing into my brain.

"What's wrong?"

I finally looked up, but I still wasn't completely there.

"What the hell?" Happy's familiar voice rang through my head as he walked towards us.

"Is she okay? Like...all there?"

"Was before we went in" He turned to me. "Jay, you a'ight?"

"No..."

"What's" He tipped the photo in my hand. "Jesus Christ."

"What's up?" The woman asked, clueless.

His voice lowered dramatically. But whether it was that, or the fact I was slowly drifting away again that caused me to not hear his explanation, was beyond me. There was only one other time I ever spaced out like this.

~*~*~*~

**_How many of these damned things am I going to have to see? I sat in the front pew, staring at the half opened casket. A hand was on my shoulder, but I didn't feel it, I didn't feel anything. I was completely numb. When allowed, I was the first to stand beside the coffin, looking in on him. He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep. But he wasn't asleep, if he was, I'd be there with him. I gazed down at the rose in my hand and was transported back to my father's funeral. I kissed the flower and placed it under his hands that lay folded on his chest. It wasn't until I fell to my knees that the tears began to fall. I couldn't hold it in any longer. Jake crouched next to me, Ana at his side. Neither touched me or spoke to me, only silently sobbed as well. That's when it all went black._**

~*~*~*~

I was in someone's arms being walked down a hall. Whoever it was shouldered the door open and dropped me on a bed. They slipped my jeans off and I rolled onto my side, clutching and burying my face into a pillow. I was never one to break; I didn't even no what made me do so, but I was definitely falling apart. They pulled the covers over me and sat at my hip.

~*~*~*~

**_I was 15 again. I looked around, I was lying on my bed, clothes thrown and scattered around the room. My arm shot underneath me to keep me from collapsing due to the dizziness beginning to overwhelm me. Holding my head, I stood beside the bed. I grabbed my clothes and yanked them on before the man on the bed could wake. But I took too long and his hand was closed around my wrist and pulling me hard back to the mattress. I struggled the best I could but he was too much for me._**

**_"Let go!" I screamed._**

**_"I'm not finished with you yet" He sneered._**

**_"The hell you're not! Get your fucking hands off me!"_**

**_"Daddy's guna have to punish you for that language."_**

**_"You're not my fucking Dad!"_**

**_"You bad, bad girl."_**

**_I glanced about the room, trying to find anything that could get the man away from me. That's when I saw the gun. It was his service weapon, the one he carried in the hollster on his hip, the one that lay just within arms reach. My hand wrapped around it, brought it up and pointed it at him._**

**_"Are we really going to go through this again?" He laughed. My blood boiled and stomach rolled as I backed nervously to the wall._**

**_"I'll do it! I swear to God, I will!"_**

**_"No, you won't" He stepped forward until he was inches away from the gun as I ran into the wall behind me. "Because you like it. You whore"_**

**_"Get away from me, Paul. I'll do it!"_**

**_"Then why don't you? Pull the trigger, see how it feels to live with a dead man on your conscience"_**

**_He came closer with the sick grin plastered on his face. I cocked the gun. His hand reached out and brushed my jaw. I turned my head away. His fingers trailed lower and tried to grip my arm. I squeezed the trigger. He fell to his knees as the blood pooled around us. I swallowed hard and slammed my head back against the drywall._**

**_"Fuck."_**

**_I clambered over his body and found my cell phone. My finger pressed and held the number 2. Jake's number. Thank God for speed dial._**

**_"Hey, Jay. What's up?"_**

**_"I think I just killed Paul..."_**

**_"Fuck, hang on. I'll get my dad."_**

**_"Okay..."_**

**_"We'll be right there, just hang on.."_**

~*~*~*~

I shivered and increased my grip on the pillow to the point I almost ripped it. I heard a door open and shut, moving closer to the wall until I was hanging off the bed as I felt the mattress sink on the opposite side.

"Jay, you up?" His voice wasn't Paul's. It was deep and intimidating, even to me but it was scratchy, not smooth like Paul's.

I shifted uneasily, something he picked up on.

"It's just me...I'm not guna hurt ya...What's wrong with you?" He rolled and moved closer to me, his hand on my hip.

"I-I don't know. I'm freaking out an' I don't know why...God what the fuck is..." I still stared at the wall.

"Jayden?"

Then it clicked. Everything suddenly fell into place.

"Oh my God...Happy?"

"Yeah..."

"That guy you were talking to this morning..."

"We're **not **talking 'bout that shit."

"I know him."

"**What?!**"

"Yeah...It didn't click until...He was one of the guys Jake's dad brought to my house"

"What?"

"When I shot my step dad, I called Jake, his dad was ATF. I didn't know what else to do. So, they came over, Jake trying to keep calm me down and his dad and three other guys trying to figure out what to do about it."

"And...?"

"That man in the parking lot. He was one of them."

"Jesus Christ."

I whimpered at his tone and wished the wall would move so I could just run and hide in a hole somewhere.

"You're guna have ta tell Switch. He needs ta know."

"I-I know..."

"Tomorrow, we talk ta Switch. Him and I'll figger out a way to tell Clay."

"What's goin down with--"

"Don't ask, club shit."

"Okay..."

"You a'ight?"

I didn't answer.

"Come 'ere"

I didn't respond or go to him. He grunted and slipped a tattooed arm under mine and wrapped it around my waist, dragging me across the bed so I could be closer to him. His body molded against mine as he nuzzled my neck. I felt his finger stroking my left shoulder blade, where he had planned on marking me that night.

* * *

You clicking the pretty button would be much appreciated.


	13. Adding to the Collection

A/N: Disclaimer blah blah blah

Review, review, review. Please. I'm begging?

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

_

* * *

_

_"So I'll find what lies beneath, your sick twisted smile, as I lay underneath, your cold jaded eyes. Now you turn the tide on me, 'cause you're so unkind. I will always be here, for the rest of my life..." Breaking Benjamin's What Lies Beneath_

**Adding to the Collection**

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"For...?"

"Breaking down like that, I usually don't...And for not being able to do the ink today..."

"We'll do it tomorrow. Get up, talk ta Switch, go to work, get off work, ink you. Then who knows?" He kissed my shoulder. "You guna be okay?"

"Yeah..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath but didn't fall asleep just yet. Happy didn't seem to have given into sleep yet, either or convinced by my shaky response.

Lying there with his arms snaked firmly around me, tight enough to make it hard to breathe, made me feel weak. He liked the composed me. The one that didn't let anything get to her, never let anyone take her alive. The one that could deal with everything internally, didn't need a hug or a helping hand and could take care of herself without being checked in on. And now, he saw the part of me that no one ever witnessed. The me that needed someone to be there, that cried out to be held and protected. I knew eventually he would see it, but I had hoped to be completely sure of the way he felt for me (and the way I felt for him) before I let him this far in. But just because I **knew** it would happen, didn't mean I **wanted** it to. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me like this.

He always had a way of reading me. His hand under my hip pulled up, still gripping me and rolling me on my back. I turned my head away and stared at the wall, wishing I could go back to hanging half off the bed. I felt his finger under my chin as it turned it until I was looking at him, then slid his hand up to the side of my face then to the back of my head. He leaned down and brought his lips to mine. The kiss was slow and deep, as if he was trying to make me understand something unspoken between us. Our tongues met as he explored my mouth. He lifted up a bit and just stared down at me.

"Hap...?"

"Hmmm..." His hand slid from my head, to my face, down my neck, between the valley between my breasts, over my belly then to my side where it ran down until it settled on my thigh.

"If you don't wanna..." I swallowed, trying to get the words out. "If you don't wanna keep going...with me...I get it...Just tell me..."

He squeezed my thigh. "Don't ever say that again." His voice was firm and almost cold, not as soft as it had been before. "Ever. I mean it."

I looked away again and closed my eyes as I felt his breath against my cheek. He kissed away a tear I didn't realize was even there.

"Look at me." He commanded more than suggested.

I gazed up at him, resisting the urge to wriggle out from under him, grab my things, and run away.

"If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be. And you wouldn't be here. Don't you ever think that I'd just lead you on like that. I wouldn't. Maybe some sweetbutt, but not you. Never you..." His voice softened to a whisper as he said: "You're different."

I pulled him down to me and buried my face where his shoulder and neck met, trying to keep myself together.

"I want you here. Remember that." He kissed my ear.

He pulled up and looked down at me. I watched the mixture of emotions flash over his face.

"unless, you don't…" He trailed off and pushed off the bed. I watched, confused, as he stepped into his jeans, and walked out the door, remaining barefoot and shirtless.

I knew I needed space, time to think, to pull myself to together but I couldn't just let him walk away. What if he thought that I didn't want him anymore because I didn't go after him? That was obviously not true, but would he know that? And there were plenty of girls out there that would just **love **to find their way into his bed. But I was here, and there was no way in hell I was going to let some croweater take him.

But what if I snapped at him? What if I freaked out in the middle of the night thinking that it was someone else next to me? I've been known to do that. Or what if I had a psychotic meltdown? But then again, what if he thought I wanted to break up because I didn't go after him?

It took twenty minutes to decide I might as well find him. Another ten to change into one of his t shirts, the first nonwhite one I could find, sweep my jeans off the floor and step into them. Then five to pull myself together and plan the gist of what I would do and say. I let out a shuddered breath before yanking the door open and half jogging down the hallway.

I walked into the bar unnoticed and sat in the corner at the far end, on the other side of the room from where Happy sat with Gage, who had some woman on his lap, and D Bag, the newest member. Switch and Kozik walked by, stopping as they saw me.

"You and the Killer have fight?" Koz asked, sitting opposite of me.

I nodded.

"You a'ight? Saw ya at the bar 'fore Hap brought ya back ta your room. What was that all about?" Switch stayed behind, hands on my shoulders. Normally, I wouldn't have allowed the contact, but Switch had been nice to me since the first time I met him, accepting even.

"Spaced out. Majorly."

"Yeah, I'd say." Kozik looked up at Switch, then back down at me. "Was just guna get a beer, want one?"

"Sure. Thanks."

Koz got up and left while Switch replaced him on the stool. He wasn't that bad looking at all. Blond scruff on his chin, his hair dirty blond and shaggy, though not as long as Jax's.

"Look, Happy's a lil' rough 'round the edges, there's no doubt. But ya gotta learn ta deal with 'im. He'll never admit it, say to ya or anything, but I see the way he looks at ya. Same way I look at Fay, my girl. And you look at 'im the same way she looks at me. He wants it ta work, and I know you do." He glanced up and over my shoulder, looking at where Happy was now sporting some sweetbutt on **my** spot on his leg. "Go kick that bitch's ass, show 'im what ya want. 'Cause right now, he thinks it don't matter to ya. He'll go right back to that an' you'll lose 'im. You're a nice girl, I like ya, don't wanna see ya get hurt, but I know Hap. And I know what he does, he'll push the rules till you push back."

My eyes flicked to his as they bored holes into me.

"I guess..."

"None of that 'i guess' shit." He got up, grabbed my shoulders, stood me up and turned me to face Happy. "Go." He shoved me into motion.

I held up my hand to give him a good view of my middle finger as I straightened the t shirt that hung a little too loosely and made my way over to the small group on the couch. Seeing Happy smirk made me stiffen and quicken my pace.

"Jo, why don't we, uh..." Gage was speaking to the girl who was already standing.

"Waaay ahead of ya" She left, followed by Gage.

"Can I help you?" The croweater on Happy sneered.

"Yeah. You could start by vacating my spot."

"Ain't your spot, sweetheart. It's mine. First come, first serve."

"I tried nice. Get the fuck off"

"Or what?"

"Don't know yet. Haven't decided how ta kill ya, yet." I glared at Happy for a brief moment then turned my attention back to the girl. "But I'm in a particularly bad mood, so it'll be slow...and painful...I think you get the picture."

"Yeah right"

"I'm a Marine, I only bluff when gambling." I crossed my arms and widened my stance, enough to make Happy shift.

The girl stood to get in my face but Happy shoved her aside the second they were on their feet.

"Aren't you charming?"

"Shut up." He brought his hands to my hips.

"Bite me."

"Where?"

"You've got to be kidding me! She threatens to kill me and you're all over her?!" The girl pouted, arms folded.

"Fuck yeah." He smiled sheepishly.

"So it doesn't matter that she's a total whore?"

"And what are **you,** sweetheart?" I looked over at her.

She ducked her head. "I just saw 'er with Switch and Kozik. That doesn't matter to you?"

"Nah. They're allowed ta talk to her. Sometimes."

"So that's what it takes?! Be an evil lil' bi--"

Happy's look cut her off.

"She doesn't--" He turned back to me as he spoke.

"I know."

He nodded. "Did I ever tell ya my shirt looks good on ya?" He leaned down and caught my lips with his.

The sweetbutt whimpered and stormed off, towards the kitchen as we kissed by the couch. Pulling back, he stared at me for a while, not speaking, just watching. I turned my head away from him, I didn't want to be around anyone but at least he knew where I stood on the breaking it off subject.

"I don't want you ta go." I offered. "I just need some space right now."

"Was Nate, wasn't it?"

My brow furrowed, trying to understand what he was asking me.

"That's why you were so out of it. That picture, you and Nate, wasn't it?"

"Yeah..." It came in more of a whisper as I stared down at my feet, through the tiny space between the two of us.

He looked at me, his expression looking somewhat defeated.

I shook my head and gazed back up at him. "Hap...He's gone. You're here now, and I'm with **you**. And I **want** to be with **you.** It's just...it's hard, ya know? Being back in a...a **relationship**...it brings back a lot of memories. Not always good ones."

He nodded but didn't look convinced.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned against him, head tipped back so I could look at him. Standing on my toes, I kissed him again, similar to the way he kissed me on the bed not long before, slow and reassuring.

"Come on." He grasped my forearm as he broke the kiss and started trying to walk almost through me.

"Where are we going?"

"Finishing this with**out** an audience" He sidestepped around me and took off.

Switch laughed along with a girl sitting next to him, who must have been Fay, as Happy yanked me out of the room.

Once in the dorm, he pushed me onto the bed.

"Take the shirt off an' lay on your stomach."

"Um, okay?" I did as I was told and heard him rummaging through one of his dresser drawers.

"Goddamn it. Where the fuck...**Finally.**" He grumbled.

He came back to the bed with a pair of black rubber gloves, a tattoo gun, ink and the sketch from the diner. He straddled my waist as he prepared to mark me.

"Wait." I stopped him.

"What?"

"I thought you couldn't tattoo over scars..."

"I'm not going to"

"But the left shoulder's where I got shot...So, how are you not going to?"

He put his hand on my shoulder blade, just below the scar. "It's goin' right there. I know what I'm doin'"

"A'ight." I sghed and rested my cheek on my folded hands.

When he finished, he sat back and grinned, admiring his work. The gloved hand he ran down my spine caused goosebumps to raise across my skin.

"So...How's it look?"

He grunted in satisfaction, saran wrapped the tattoo and taped it off. As returned to the bed from putting his things away in the clutter of a dresser, he tossed one of his many t shirts at me. I slipped it over my head and smiled up at him. He held his hands out to me and pulled me to my feet and slid his hand up my arms to my shoulders, then my neck and finally cupped my face.

"Your ass is mine." He grinned and kissed me hard.

I moaned into his mouth as my arms found their way around his neck.

I needed space. No. I **thought** I needed space. I **knew **I needed this, to be with him.

_I'm sorry, Nate. But you would've wanted me to be happy, right? This is the closest thing I've ever felt since you...since you died. _

Happy lifted me up and carried me to the dresser, completely oblivious to my inner pleadings.

_I loved you, Nate. And I know it's only been a couple weeks, but I think I might love him..._

Whoo. fastest update in like forever. I think you owe it to me to review. so... **Click the pretty button...**please?


	14. Oh Sht part 1

A/N:

Okay, Okay, so I haven't updated in forever. I had this entire chapter written, then read through it and decided it sucked. So I deleted it and started over.

Btw, I will not be going AU and keeping Kip alive. But until that horrible chapter comes, he'll be around.

* * *

**Oh Shit (part 1)**

We woke up to yet another loud knock on the door, his arm covering his face and half my body hanging of the bed because that's the only place there was even close to enough room for me.

"What the fuck?! It's **Saturday**!" His voice yelled, closer to my ear than expected.

"We got a call. Get your lazy asses up!" Switch's voice resounded into the room. He sounded only somewhat tired, leaving me to wonder what time it really was.

Happy made his yelling sound, got up, and stepped into the closest pair of jeans he could find. He tossed me a shirt and nodded as he made his way to the door.

"What happened?"

"Clay wants ya in Charmin'. Some Arayan shit might be goin' down soon."

"Fuck. Fine. Jay, get ready, leavin' in twenty, with or without ya."

"Aren't you a ray of fucking sunshine this mornin'?" I smirked.

Switch chuckled in the doorway while Happy just glared at the both of us.

~*~*~*~

It only took me about fifteen minutes to take a shower, pack, pop my pills and grab a gronala bar. So now, bags strapped to the bike and hugs handed out, he eyed my shirt curiously. It was a grey, ripped-back tank top with a darker grey stem running up the side, leading to a black rose withering on my stomach, it's petals rimmed slightly with red. I didn't say anything to him as I held my hand out for him to give me my helmet. Her was about to plop it in my palm when I dropped my hand.

"What's up?"

"Where'd Switch run off to?"

"Why...?"

"I need to talk to him. Remember?"

"Right. Uh, check the bar." He shrugged and lit up his cigarette.

"Kay, be back in a few."

I could feel him watching me as I walked back into the Clubhouse. He always watched me.

~*~*~*~

"Hey, Mace." I rested my elbows on the pool table before the man took take his shot, blocking it.

His grey eyes flashed to me, darkening at my move.

"thought you an' Hap were leavin'" His voice came out calm though his well-toned body remained tense.

He was a pretty big man, well over six feet tall, buff as a body builder, the muscles rippling through his navy blue t shirt proving it. I didn't see him around as much as the others, though that was probably because he didn't really like people, preferring shadows that were big enough for him to hide in. His hair was wavy and black as tar, short and cropped.

"Yeah. But I need ta talk ta Switch real quick. You seen 'im?"

He ran his gaze over me. "He went ta check up on Fay. In their room, I think."

"Thanks." I smiled and jogged down the hall.

"Knock first!" I heard his booming voice through the walls.

I had to laugh when I made it to Switch's door and heard the bang of the headboard against the wall and a woman's voice crying out his name. I slammed my palm down on the dark wood after the screaming came to an end.

"What?!" Switch was trying not to sound out of breath and failing miserably.

"Need to talk to ya. But if ya need a minute ta calm down first..."

"Can it wait?"

"I don't know."

He growled through the door.

"Don't gimme that. I honestly don't know if it can wait or not. Was guna tell you when we woke up...but then I had ta get ready an--" The door swung open to reveal a shirtless Switch.

"What is so damn important?"

"Club shit?"

The door was slammed behind him, nearly hitting him as he stepped into the hallway.

"That guy. Happy saw him at the diner yesterday...Got all pissed off..." I tried to describe him, rolling my wrist.

He nodded his head; he knew who I was talking about.

"Yeah, well...I know 'im. Don't know his name or personal shit. But I know him, and I know shit that he's done, and I know who he at least used to work for."

"Who?" He was shifting anxiously.

"The Feds. ATF."

"Goddamn it. A'ight. Does Hap know?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to promise me that you'll tell Clay while you guys are down there. Make sure he knows we got a possible target on our back."

"Will do."

On my way outside, I stopped in out room and found my USMC sweatshirt and threw it on over my tank top.

Wordlessly, I slid onto the bike behind Happy. It revved to life and we were on our way again.

~*~*~*~

"Can I get y'all somethin' to drink?" The waitress of the tiny diner in Oregon we now sat in spoke to us, eyeing Happy.

"Coke." Happy nodded and ran a hand over his face.

"Beer. Anythin' but that light shit." They stared at me. "What? I'm ridin' bitch, why would it matter? And anyway, I think I deserve a beer for not killin' bitchface last night."

"Didn't say anythin'" Happy held his hands up then looked at the waitress expectantly.

"Alright then. I'll be right back to take your orders."

He crossed his arms and leaned on the table. His face was almost unreadable, but I knew something was bothering him. I decided it was better not to try to ignite some kind of conversation and stared out the window.

~*~*~*~

I sat at the bar, leg twitching and sipped on a beer. Happy and I already brought our things to the room and he was currently playing a game of pool with Tig, and winning.

"I'm Tara. You are...?" A dark haired woman dressed in scrubs came up to me.

"Jayden. Call me Jay, everyone else does." I smiled and raised the bottle.

"I didn't think any of the others had Old Ladies..."

"Happy."

"Really?" Her eyes widened.

"Yeah. Got inked last night." I tilted my head to one side. "Well, barely this mornin'."

"He inked ya?!" Tig ran up and trapped me in my spot.

I was caught off guard but quickly recovered. "Yeah. Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop?"

"Where? where? **Where?!**" He ignored my question and stared bouncing.

"My shoulder... And if you don't quit jumping like that--"

"One of us is guna kill ya." Happy finished my sentence as he slowly strode towards us.

"What's going on in here?" Jax, Ope and Bobby walked into the bar.

"He inked 'er! And didn't tell **me**!" Tig flung his arms up, his voice sounding dissappointed, mock offense tinged in his voice.

"'Cause we just got 'ere, not ta mention I don't want ya starin' at my girl's skin." A devilish grin tugged his lips. "That's **my** job"

I rolled my eyes, shook my head and took a pull of my beer before glancing at Tara while the boys laughed.

"So do we get to see, or what?" Jax pouted.

I grabbed the hem of my sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, revealing my ripped shirt.

"Eh ah! No touching." My shoulder twitched as someone went to trace it.

~*~LATER THAT NIGHT~*~

I was in our room after telling Clay about ATFboy. He seemed fairly upset and said not to worry about it, that he'd call Switch, get him taken care of.

"Where ya goin?" Happy appeared in the doorway of the dorm.

"Jog. Haven't been out there in a while, should prolly get back in the habit."

He nodded as I tugged my black basketball shorts on to replace my jeans.

"Be back in an hour or two. Maybe more." I kissed him lightly and left the room.

Ipod blasting in my ears, I made my way to the bar and outside to the garage, where I quickened my pace to a steady jog.

~*~*~*~

I was pretty far out of town when a black, or what looked like black, car pulled up beside me, keeping pace. It was strange and it probably should have stuck out a hell of a lot more than it did at the time. But it was too late when it finally did catch my attention. I had stopped only for a second to take a swig from my water bottle, the car came to a hault as well, all four doors opening. My head snapped in their direction, evaluating the situation: four of them, one of me. Big guys and though alone each would have been an easy fight, put them together and it wouldn't be so simple. _Shit._

My hand dug deep into the pocket of my shorts, fumbling for my cell phone but feeling only silkish fabric. _Double shit._ That's when the image formed in my mind: The nightstand, my phone, charging.

"Can I help you?" I asked as they approached, hoping it was just my natural up tightness getting my nerves worked up.

None of them answered, only surrounded me.

"Um, what you want? I don't have any cash on me or anything, plus well, I could kill ya."

One laughed and flashed a gun. And a disgustingly white, wolf-like smile.

Yet another image engulfed my brain. My gun, in my backpack, in the dorm, at the clubhouse. _Triple shit!_

I felt a hand close around my wrist and instinctively threw my elbow into the man's face. There was a pain-filled howl and gut churning crunch as blood began to spew from the bridge of his nose. Another took the moment to come at me from the front. My leg shot up, hitting him in the stomach but not hard enough to deter him. He now held my ankle in his rough hands. I prayed that Happy had decided to follow me, though I knew deep down that he didn't. Then suddenly I was face down on the ground, wriggling and squirming to free myself of his grasp. I felt his weight on top of me as he leaned forward.

"Your boyfriend can't save you now." He growled, his tongue tracing my ear, sour breath swallowing my face, causing my stomach to roll.

A hand held firmly onto my mouth as I tried to cry out. I kicked one leg up, hitting the man hard in the back, and clamped down on the hand, spitting out blood as it was ripped from my jaws.


	15. Oh Sht part 2

A/N: There is a quote in here without any punctuation, I know that. It's supposed to be that way, adds effect.

Okay, so now you get ta see what happens! Aren't you proud of me? I updated right away!

**Warnings: **Rape

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

_other line in phone conversation_

_

* * *

_

**Oh Shit (part 2)**

It was pitch black when I finally came to. I couldn't see a goddamn thing until my eyes adjusted and I observed a tiny bedroom. All I could hear was someone's heavy breathing not far above me. I tried to struggle, to break free but I was tied to a lumpy, stained bed. The more I twisted, the more blood ran down my arm And the heavier his breathing got. I gagged on the metallic taste of blood still in my mouth but found duct tape covering it, causing my choke a bit. Light flooded the room for a brief moment as someone entered the room, a cool breeze chilling my now bare skin.

Lying on my belly, I felt cold, clammy hands tracing the muscles in my back, my shoulder blades, then my tattoo. Contact ceased momentarily as the sound of a zipper coming undone shattered the silence, dread welling in the pit of my stomach. Large hands sought out my hips in the dark, fingers digging into my flesh. With a loud grunt the man was inside of m from behind, soon thrusting as hard as he could, rocking the bed. Vision blurry from pain and tears, I twisted my arms enough to grip the headboard and attempt to pull myself up the bed, away from the man but the restraints holding my legs apart were too tight to allow such movement.

So, I kept my eyes on the wall in an effort to keep my mind from wandering. There was a throaty laugh from the foot of the bed, causing only one image to invade my brain: Happy, his arms around me as I shuddered against him.

A loud shout echoing throughout the room and a sudden hot, spurting pressure inside of me pried me from my thoughts. Then he was out, redressing and laughing at my tear-covered face and duct tape-smothered screams. I buried my face in the pillow as the side of a cold blade glided across my back, ten sunk in. It was serrated, I could tell by the way it ripped and tore at my skin, creating a horizontal gash from both sides of the bottom of my rib cage. I pulled my head up, the blood and sex smell embedded in the cotton pillowcase making me sick. For a long, silent moment the men stood over me, watching me bleed all over the already filthy sheets.

They then cut my legs loose. I kicked one in the ribs, hearing a satisfying crack, and the other in the hip, only stunning him temporarily. Shaking his head, he grabbed my thrashing legs and flipped my onto my back, causing more blood to spill from from the raw skin of my wrists as the straps dug in. Holding his ribs, the other man straddled my waist, blade in hand. I kicked my legs again, hitting the man at my feet in the face. Steel met flesh again, this time across my belly, through my belly button, as the ma stumbled back.

I wriggled enough to finally slip my hands free of the restraints. I reached for the knife but he slid down my body, pushing his jeans clad knee into the cut on my leg. I yelped, but it ended up sounding more like a gurgle when he pressed his hand to the new gash on my stomach. Through the pain, I managed to slip the knife from his grasp. He reached down and placed a leather gloved hand firmly over my windpipe. Unable to breathe, I swiped up, slashing the blade through the man's throat.

I shoved his limp body upward and rolled onto the floor as the other man stood. He wiped the blood from his mouth and charged at me. I grabbed his shoulder and thrust the knife between his ribs and twisted. He fell and I rid my hand of his blood and deposited it on the bed sheet while I pressed the other hand to my stomach. The cuts weren't all that deep, but enough to need attention quickly. Medical attention I didn't know how to give.

After finding my shorts and sweatshirt still intact on the other side of the room, I dressed and rummaged through the men's pockets. I found nothing but fabric. Glancing around, I saw what I was searching for on a rickety, not quite a dresser.

I flipped open the cell phone, my fingers automatically flying to the numbers most familiar to me. It rang once, then...

_"The person you have tried to reach is currently unavailable, please call again later."_

_Goddamn it, Happy, charge your damn phone!_

Sighing loudly, I forced my thumb to punch in another number. This time it rang three times before...

_"The person you have tried to reach is currently unavailable, please call again later."_

_Kip, you son of a bitch!_

I racked my brain to remember any other number that would be useful. I sighed again, I really didn't want to call this next number, but it was the only other one my spinning head could come up with. It rang, and rang...and rang again until:

_"There better be a good fucking reason for you ta fucking call me, right now, Harris!" _Tig's voice bellowed into my ear. There were groans and thuds then a sudden, raspy _Anyone see Jay?_

So it was already morning. _Lovely_.

_"Harris you have one goddamn second to--"_ He stopped suddenly and when he resumed another train of thought, I could hear the narrow eyes and pointing finger he no doubt wore now. _"If this has anythin' ta do with the girl, I swear ta God..."_ He left the threat to hang heavy.

"Tig, wait! Please, don't hang up..." I sniffed, tears now falling down my cheek from the growing pain.

_"Jay?! Holy shit!_" I heard his hand muffle over the phone's mic and him call something out. _"Wait, a minute. What the hell are you doin' with a Nord's cell?"_ He voice became accusing.

"I'll...ah, shit. I'll explain later." I more like choked out the words, not sure if he could even understand me. "Can-Can I talk ta H-Hap...pl-please?"

I could here the phone switching handlers. _"Where are you?"_ He rasped, voice calm but a little up tight.

"I-I dunno"

_"You get lost?"_ He chuckled but stopped when I whimpered in pain. _"Jay...What's wrong? Where are you?"_

"I dunno I'm in this room I guess it's a motel there were these guys too many of 'em there were too many! I couldn't stop 'em I don't know what happened but I'm here and I don't know where I am and it's pissing me off not to mention I'm covered in blood and it's not all mine and and...Oh my God what do I do, Hap? What the fuck do I do?!" I was talking a mile a minute and knew he didn't catch a word I said but it only my the words come faster. Until I felt the pain of my heavy breathing ripping pain through my body starting at my stomach, forcing my to my knees with a loud thump.

_"Babe, just calm down. It's okay. What happened? Tell me what the hell happened."_

I dropped the phone to my side and slammed my hand into the wall. "Damn it!" I put the phone to my ear again. "I-I don't th-think I c-can right now..." I took at deep breath and used the wall to stand again. "It hurts so fucking much..."

_"Okay...Uh, Look outside the door. Are there Nords or anyone there at all? What does it look like?_

"Um, Nord?"

_"Rascist, crank dealin', whore sellin' assholes"_

"Do I sense some resentment?" I attempted to lighten the mood. It worked, he chuckled quietly then turned serious. "I-I don't see any...It looks like a motel, white doors, the sign on the other door says somethin' like 'Charming Rest Stop.' Number 'cross the hall says...uh...Jesus, I can hardly see. 4...4 oh...4 oh 7! It's 407." I turned and slid down the door, pain coming from both my stomach and my back. "Shit."

_"Jayden?! What's wrong?"_

"I'm losin' a hell of a lot a blood." My words were slurred and exasperated.

_"Jay? Marine, what the fuck is goin' on?"_ The volume in his voice raised.

"Just hurry? Please?" I gasped out and the lights, once again, went out.

~*~*~*~

"How she doin'?" A familiar Scottish voice asked.

"Doc says she'll be a'ight. Lost a lot a blood." Another rasped, a weight shifting at my hip.

"She wake up, yet?"

"Nah."

"Jesus Christ. How long ya been here?"

"Dunno. Long ass time."

"Hm. Go take a smoke break, I'll call ya if she wakes up."

"Nawh. I wanna be 'ere."

"A'ight." There was a huff then: "You really care 'bout 'er, huh?"

"Yeah." The man with the raspy, gravel voice left it at that.

There was a brief silence. Finally able to move, I shifted and straightened my bad leg and moaned.

"Jay?" Happy whispered, softly, as if any louder an it would hurt me.

He now had an arm on the other side of my body, leaning over me. I moaned again, straightening further.

"Go get the Doc."

Heavy footsteps left the room. My eyelids fluttered a bit before they could open, even then it was only halfway. Now, eyes fully open, my vision remained blurry and unclear. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but no sound came out.

"Sh...Don't talk. You're alright. I'm right here. You're fine."

His weight moved off the bed as the fuzzy, dark haired woman approached.

"Hey, Jay. Remember me?"

"Tara, right?" My voice came out in soft rasps, almost like Happy's, though not as harsh.

"Yeah. How you feeling?"

"Like I need ta sit up."

She nodded to Happy, who slid his hands under my shoulder blades and helped me push myself up the bed.

"Ah, Jesus Christ!"

"Yeah, you'll definitely be sore. Oh, and no strenuous activity for a while, alright?"

I nodded.

"Can I speak with you alone?"

"Anything you have to say ta me, you can say in front a him, Ima tell 'im anyway."

She sighed deeply. "Alright. I did a rape kit when they brought you here. It was positive."

I nodded. "I know."

The room fell silent. I could sense the over protective vibe radiating off of Happy. I placed my hand on his arm, his muscles tensed under my touch.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just...I was so freaked out..."

"It's okay. That's not what's got me pissed."

I tugged gently on his arm. "I know. Look, they're dead--"

"Yeah, Darby ain't." He growled as he sat on a chair beside the bed, next to my head.

"Darby?"

"Nord leader." He stared at his hands.

"Oh." Tara took the cue and dragged an apparently comfortable Chibs out of the hospital room.

"Yeah." Looking up at me, his eyes softened slightly. "I'm sorry..."

"For...?"

"Letting this," He waved his hand over my body. "Happen. I promised I wouldn't."

"It's not your fault."

"Yeah, it is. I never shoulda let you--"

"This whole putting yourself down thing is really starting ta piss me off." He opened his mouth to speak, but I continued. "You may not be the best guy out there, but I'm with you because I wanna be. And it''s not your fault. Did **you** send those bastards after me?"

He started to rant.

"**Did** you?"

"No."

"Then it's not your goddamn fault. I hate it when you insist you're not good enough and shit. So knock it off."

He didn't say anything in response.

"I've never felt safer than I do when I'm with you. For once, I'm not the only one with baggage." I softened my tone and sighed. "I know I sound like a total pussy but it's true. And I just thought you should before convincing yourself it's all your fault. 'Cause it's not. And I'll never blame you for it."

He remained silent and stared back at his hands. I knew he was trying to come up with something to say to rebut the point. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I know you think I should. But I don't, and won't. And don't you ever tell me your not good enough of put yourself down to me again. I understand you're no Prince Charming or White Knight, but I don't want you to be. And I don't want you to try to be. I love you for you."

He head snapped to me and I looked away, realizing my mistake. "What?"

"Nothing." I bit my bottom lip to the point it almost split.

"Didn't sound like nothin'." He stood and leaned over me again. His voice dropped to a low whisper. "If you get uncomfortable, lemme know, kay?"

I didn't have time to answer before his lips were on mine. His tongue didn't press or beg for entrance, only rested his lips on mine, gently.

"What did you say?" He pulled away and held his forehead against mine.

"I said a lot of things." I turned away again.

"Why won't you tell me?" Our lips brushed again and he sat back on the bed.

"You really wanna know?" I looked up at him.

"Yeah, I do."

"I said..." I let out a shuddered breath. "I said that I love you for you..."

He nodded. "That's what I thought."

The stitches in my stomach and back pulled as I tried to sit up further, causing my to wince. He helped me up, but didn't let me go right away, just held my into his chest.

"I...I love you too..." He whispered in my ear then kissed it, sending me back against the bed as Chibs and Kip walked into the room.

I stared at him for a while.

"Don't get used ta hearin' it." He nodded to the now confused men.

"I know." I looked up at my other two friends. "Hey, guys."

"Hey you." Kip said, sinking into a chair under the window.

Chibs only nodded and leaned against the door.

"I'm gunna go out for a smoke." Happy kissed me lightly and left.

Kip and Chibs only stared at me until Happy was completely down the hall and waiting for the elevator.

"We gotta know what happened."

"I'll tell y'all at church when I get outta here."

The two nodded.

"Things workin' out okay with him?" Kip nudged his head toward the door to indicate Happy.

"Yeah...Things are goin' great." I smiled to myself.

* * *

Review as always because you know, reviews are love. And then there's the whole "No reviews, no updates" thing.


	16. Tremors, Horror, Blood

A/N:

This chapter for some reason ended uplonger than usual. I was contemplating making it two, but decided not to. Hope y'all don't mind too much. :D As always, REVIEW!

Thank you so much for the positive feedback, its encouraging, though dislikes are more than welcomed, seeing as they help me perfect my writing. I do happen to be an aspiring author, so yeah. short rant is now over.

_thoughts_

**emphasis**

* * *

**Tremors, Horror, Blood**

~*~TWO WEEKS LATER~*~

"Everything seems to be healing just fine. You'll be going home soon. Next couple days if it keeps up." Tara tied the hospital gown and let me sit back in the bed.

"Oh thank God!" I blurted. "Don't get me wrong, Tara, I like seein' ya all the time, but I can only eat so much Jello."

"I hear ya" We shared a laugh and sat there for a while in silence.

"Ugh. Speaking of Jello...I'm starving, let's go get somethin' from the caf."

"Yeah, little hungry myself."

Tara and I got along just fine. We weren't best friends or soul sisters, but close enough to say friends. We'd go to the cafeteria for food or just random walks down around the hospital on her breaks, seeing as she was the one to be there the most.

Happy came around every day after work and stayed until the nurse had to get security to escort him out. He always had a way of brightening my day when he was there, joking around and light shoving. We'd decided that once the stitches got taken out we were to have a wrestling match to see who was tougher. He insisted, every time he saw me, that he would win, while I let him believe it. From what he told me, the boys had a pool going for who would win.

Kip visited before Happy, usually on his lunch break and not as often. He brought magazines with him like 'Elite Fighter' because he knew I'd be bored to death if he didn't.

Chibs sometimes accompanied Happy or Kip over, though never came alone. He'd always end up kicking my off the hospital bed so he could lie down while I sat in the chair, not that I minded at all.

The rest came as well, though not on a regular schedule like the other three. Though I couldn't complain seeing as Bobby brought cookies and muffins for me every time was visited.

Hale came to question me about that night but I ended up breaking down and hiding under the bed like a cat in a thunderstorm so the doctor told him to leave. I whispered a not-so-sincere apology and promised to call him when I was ready to talk as he departed, though I had no intention of calling him. Cops were never my friends; they hunted me down like I was some kind of terrorist. They'd find something to pin on me and come full force like a wolf pack on an injured elk. The public's view of me was already tainted enough, I didn't need yet another arrest. Of course, this would be a third strike. Three violent crimes, life in prison if not the needle, two things I couldn't, no, wouldn't take.

~*~*~*~

"So I hear you're comin' home soon." Happy leaned in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah."

I have to admit I was nervous about going back there, so many men, sharing my bed. Contrary to what you may believe, just because I was raped before, didn't make this any less traumatic. It just made it easier to hold down the feelings. The rape wasn't all I was worried about when it came to going back to Happy, however. The knife the Nords had used on me was serrated, meaning it would leave two very ragged, very nasty scars. Happy may have said he loved me as well, but that was weeks before and, even though he wasn't the type to say things like that and not mean it, the words felt empty. Like they had no meaning behind them. Whether it was from the trauma or my own past experiences with the so called 'emotion', I don't think I'll ever know. All I knew was that those words could never be trusted unless given a damn good reason otherwise.

"You a'ight?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah." I stammered a bit, lost in my own musings.

"We don't have to...ya know. I won't push ya." He pulled his weight off the door frame and approached me.

"I know. I'm just kinda distracted, that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He made no effort to come any closer to me as if sensing my need for space. Standing between the bed and the doorway, he stared down at me as I traced the ceiling texture with my eyes. I watched the shadows cross the ceiling as the sun began to set behind the glass of the sole window in the room.

"Hap?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean it? Like really mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" His brow furrowed then the light bulb seemed to go off. "Oh. That. Yeah, I did. Why?"

"It just won't leave me alone, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm fucking obsessing and it's pissing me off. I don't know why, I just feel like it doesn't mean anything..."

"Well, you're not guna hear it much. You know that. And it prolly feels that way 'cause it's true."

"You just said you meant it!" I sat up and twisted my face. I wasn't comprehending what he was trying to say.

"I did! But the words themselves...They're pointless. The only people that use 'em are the ones that try ta hide the fact they don't really mean it." His face screwed and he looked at the ceiling. "Did that make any sense?"

"Surprisingly, yeah, it did." I smiled. "Must be hangin' 'round y'all too much"

"Good." He returned the smile then moved to pick up my magazine. "'Elite Fighter' huh? Damn, you doin' research for our one on one?"

"Don't need to. You might wanna brush up though, Killer"

"You don't really think you're guna win do ya?"

"Course, I do. 'Cause I am. And I'll count the money out loud for ya."

He chuckled and shook his head at me. "There's **no **way Ima let you win. I'm the Killah, you're just...you."

"But you like me. So maybe..." I trailed off and snatched the magazine from his hands. "Never mind. That only made sense in my brain."

"Yeah, I could tell." He laughed out as he sat down on the chair, which was still positioned beside the bed.

"Ya know what? I don't wanna hear it. You think you're so damn tough..." I swung my legs to the side of the bed, letting them dangle between Happy and me.

"No. I don't **think** I am. I **know** I am." He winked and ran the back of one finger from my knee to my ankle then slipped his hand under my foot.

"You got a foot fetish too?" I grinned.

"What're you talkin' 'bout?" He cocked his head to one side, tugged gently on my legs to rest my feet on his thighs and ran his hand back up my leg until it settled on my knee.

"Well, you're always makin' out with my neck, now you're all over my foot. Well, leg. But you get the point."

"Not a fetish..."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really. Never did that ta any other chick, just you. Don't ask why, 'cause I got no clue."

"Huh. That's kinda weird."

"Guess so."

"You goin' all serious on me now, Inkboy?"

"Nawh, just thinkin'"

""bout...?"

"Nothin'"

"Tell me! You can't just leave me hangin' like that."

"Fine, I was wonderin' how the fuck I managed ta not kill Darby yet."

"Oh..." It was barely a whisper and I knew he caught the shudder that came with it.

"Sorry. Didn't mean ta bring that up. Just..." He let go of my knee, not realizing it was the only thing keeping me from shaking.

"I know." The bed started rocking against the tile floor, keeping time with my body's tremors.

He tried to rest his hand back on my knee but I pushed him away. I brought my legs up and hugged them to my chest.

"Goddamn it." He mumbled under his breath.

The look in his eye told me what he wanted to do, what he knew he couldn't as he sat there, looking up at me, his face half kicked puppy, half stone cold killer. Part of him wanted to wrap me in his arms and make everything just go away, a section that was disappointed in himself because he couldn't. Another part wanted to run out to find Darby and shoot him point blank in the face, a part that was, again, disappointed that he couldn't. His gaze moved to his hands.

Still shaking, I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to remember. Half of me wanted to let him touch me, let him hold me and stop the shaking. The other wanted to push him away, make him leave the room, hell, everyone leave the building, leave me alone.

"Jay...I..." He started but stopped just as quickly. He ran a hand over his face. "Do you want me to go?"

I nodded and proceeded to grab the pillow and bury my face in it to muffle the sobs.

"A'ight. I'm goin'. I didn't mean for this...I'm sorry"

I flinched at the feeling of his fingers running gently through my now tangled hair.

"When they let ya go, I wanna be the one you come back to." He whispered almost inaudibly.

Then he was gone.

~*~THREE DAYS LATER~*~

The doctors were finally letting me go home, but not without the 'nothing that would pop the stitches,' 'are you sure you want to be living with so many men after this,' 'are you sure you're going to be okay,' 'we can always keep you here for a little longer,' and 'quit complaining about the food' speeches, of course.

I quickly dressed in the bathroom and walked out, wearing the sweatpants and t shirt Kip brought for me.

Happy hadn't come around since my meltdown. It took me a while to get the visions and memories of that night out of my head, but after a half hour of crying, five or so minutes of puking because I cried so much and another two hours alone, I was able to be around other people again. It took me until the next day when he didn't come to see me to figure out exactly what he meant by the last sentence. And I, secretly, couldn't wait to get back to him.

Kip waited for me in the hallway outside my room, talking to Tara and Chibs, who apparently put his foot down about being the extra guy instead of Tig. According to the Scotsman, Tig tried to use the fact that I called **him**to be able to come, though I highly doubt the fight ended in fists and caveman yells. Tig didn't like sobbing, cracking, women that could have a meltdown at anytime. Hated them, actually. So, it's really no wonder Chibs ended up accompanying Kip.

"You ready?" Kip asked after a one-armed, side hug.

"Yeah. Hey Chibs."

"Hey."

I hugged Tara goodbye and rolled my eyes at one more 'make sure you don't pop those stitches.' The boys nodded their goodbyes and we walked together to the elevator.

"Wait a minute." I paused, mid-stride.

"What?" Chibs answered.

"Why aren't the cops all over this? I mean, Hale came once but never came back..."

"We're...good friends of the law 'ere. Figured you could use some time. Told 'em ta steer clear of ya 'til we get a chance ta talk to ya." Kip nodded confirmation and Chibs added with a sly smile: "'At an' the fact 'at Hale's 'fraid a Hap."

I had to smile at the mention. But it made me wonder: Was there anyone, besides me and a few in the club, that wasn't afraid of Happy?

"By the way, did something happen with you two?" Kip pried, gently, but pried nonetheless.

"He thinks so."

Kip cocked his head and Chibs had to lead him into the elevator so we wouldn't miss it.

"He said something about not killin' Darby, it reminded me of...you know. I spazzed, got all shaky and shit. He asked if I wanted him to go, I nodded and I think he thought I meant for good..."

The boys nodded. "Sounds like Hap."

"Yeah, but what do I do when I see 'im? I mean, can you spell awkward?"

"I hear ya. Just do what you normally would. Ya know, if this was normal, 'cause this isn't normal..." He started to ramble nervously like he usually did in times like this.

"Kipper, I get it." I cut him off before he got a chance to hyperventilate.

"Okay."

The ride to the Clubhouse wasn't as calming as I hoped it would be. The wind didn't send my hair in all directions, the speed didn't make me want to hold tighter and the scenery buzzing by didn't send bile up my throat. To most people those would have been good things, but I wanted my norm back. I wanted to pretend I came home from that jog and that this was just a joy ride with Happy. But the man I had my arms around wasn't my tattooed, biker. He was the shaggy haired Prospect that treated me like a little girl at times. And the one behind us wasn't my hit man, either. He was the scarred Scotsman hell bent on revenge.

We pulled into the parking lot and I automatically noticed Gemma coming out of the office and Clay approaching with her, wiping the grease off his hands and onto a rag.

"Hey." Gemma pulled me into a short, tight embrace.

"Hey guys..."

Clay nodded and made no attempt to hug or come closer to me.

"I'm gunna go take a shower..."

"A'ight. Church'll be after closin' so no rush." Clay threw the rag over his shoulder.

"Okay." I turned to walk to my room and caught my first glance of Happy in three days.

I took my first nervous step towards the Clubhouse, my gaze never meeting Happy's. I could tell he was watching me, and though it didn't bother me, it became overly uncomfortable when Tig appeared beside him and stared as well.

I padded lightly into the room Happy and I were staying in and immediately noticed that all his stuff was in a bag directly beside the door.

"I was gettin' ta movin' that." A deep, raspy voice stated behind me.

I froze, stiffened and uttered no response. I knew who it was, well I thought I did, but not being sure and the fact he came so suddenly and was behind me scared the hell out of me.

"Damn it. Didn't mean ta scare ya..." He let out a heavy breath and could hear his footsteps around me. "Just me." His face looked tired and worn, like he hadn't slept in days and then got in a fight with a business end of a baseball bat.

A sigh of relief escaped me as I put a hand to my chest and sagged my shoulders.

"Why do I always fuck up with you?"

I glanced up at him but found myself unable to meet his eyes. He reached behind me and grabbed the duffel.

"I'll be goin' then."

My arm shot out to grip his when he began to leave the room. "Don't." Was the only word I could bring myself to say.

He looked at me quizzically, eyebrow quirked.

"Stay...Please?"

A small smile tugged the corner of his mouth. "Ya sure?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean that I wanted you ta **go** just that I wanted to be alone for a while."

His hand dropped the bag to the floor. "You're gunna have ta tell the guys everything."

"I know." I swallowed hard a took a breath.

"A'ight, well, I gotta get back ta work. See ya tanight."

"Kay."

He stared at me for a moment, seemingly deciding whether or not he was going to do something. He cupped my face with one had then pressed his lips against my cheek before he side stepped me and left, closing and locking the door behind him.

After making sure I couldn't hear anyone in the hallway, I made my way to the bathroom. I eased out of my clothes, more than cautious and not just because of the stitches. My hands shook and I had to lean against the wall for a moment to calm down. _Come on, Marine. You can do this. You've done worse. Goddamn it, Marine! Calm the fuck down!_ I took a deep, hesitant breath and dodged my reflection in the mirror above the sink as I opened the bathroom closet to grab a towel. But the face staring back at me proved unavoidable when I looked up to see the door mirror. _Damn it, forgot about that one._ My heart sank to my stomach, making me sick when my eyes fell to the gash on my belly. That's when the first wave of tears of that day came. My eyes flooded with the salty liquid and the dams broke like a reincarnation of Hurricane Katrina just hit. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, but they were only replaced by a new gush. Finally I gave up, dragged my towel across the shelf then threw it to the ground and twisted the taps.

I stepped under the spray and closed the glass door behind me, but not before checking to be completely certain no one else was there. I looked around for my body wash, thinking for a moment that it wouldn't be there, seeing as I never unpacked before..._Shut up! _But when my hand went to the shower caddy, it found the clear bottle, tinted blue by its contents. Happy must have put it in here when he unpacked his own things. I carefully washed and rinsed myself before reaching for my shampoo. Once done with that, I searched for my razor. It in my hand, I found myself wondering if I could bleed to death before the boys realized I wasn't around. Or if they would figure it out first. I dropped it violently at the thought, near throwing it against the wall. _What the hell are you thinkin', Marine? You've been through this more than once, you can do it again. _

The routine complete, I sat on the floor, letting the water run over me. The water against the cuts still stung a little but I bit back the pain and hugged my knees, crying into them. For the first time, I was terrified. Completely and utterly mortified at the fact that I couldn't hold my own, I couldn't protect myself. I thought I'd put up one hell of a fight, but it wasn't good enough, **I** wasn't good enough. I couldn't defend myself and I was stupid enough to leave my cell phone **and **my gun in the dorm. _Thinking of which, where the fuck are...Will you ever fucking learn?!_ I scolded myself for, yet again, not bringing them with me.

I jumped at a loud bang on the door.

"Hey, kid. We're startin' now. Ya need a minute or what?" Tig was always a little too impatient.

"I'll..." I sniffed loudly, turned off the water and began drying myself off with the towel. "I'll be right there."

"A'ight." I heard his heavy footsteps retreating down the hallway.

I wrapped the towel around myself, peeked around the door frame of the bathroom, to be sure I was alone for the seventieth time, and quickly changed back into my sweatpants. I was about to grab that lose t shirt, too but instead reached for one of Happy's. I needed his comforting smell surrounding me and I knew he wouldn't be all over me at 'church.'

The boys were already prepared to begin the meeting and waiting for me when I slipped through the slightly ajar door and clicked it closed behind me. I was uncharacteristically timid and self conscious as I glanced over their faces and tried to find an isolated place to sit. the only empty chair I found was between Happy and Kip.

"I-I'm ready when you are..." I stated softly as I took my seat.

"Then please, tell us. We don't need too much detail. And feel free ta take a break whenever, a'ight?"

I nodded and began my story.

~*~*~*~

By the time I was finished telling them what happened, I was curled in a sitting ball on the chair with Kip's arm over my shoulder. Happy's face hardened and went cold. Chibs was saying something about retribution at which Happy nodded furiously. Tig's jaw was dropped at the fact I was still alive. Bobby, Piney, Jax, Op, and Clay were all either staring or trying to avoid my gaze. It wasn't to hard to do so, after all, I blocked them all out and was simply following the outline of the Reaper carved into the table with my eyes.

I stood and left without saying a word and no one stopped me. After closing the door, I leaned on it for a moment.

_"So what're we guna do?"_ Juice's voice came through the door.

_"I say we kill the asshole."_ Happy spoke, I could hear him clenching his jaw.

_"Well, hold up. We don't even know if Darby was behind it. I understand that you're pissed, I sure as hell am, but we can't go and kill him just to find he didn't even know. We gotta be smart about this shit. Make sure all the cards are in our favor."_ Jax was trying to reason with the very rigid and currently irrational man.

_"Darby's been behind a whole shit load a stuff that we ain't done anythin' about. Far as I'm concerned, bastard's got it comin'."_ I heard Tig countering the VPs logic with his own, demented version.

_"I have ta say, I agree with Jax on this one. We can't just go the guy without provin' he was behind it. After we got evidence, we'll do a hell of a lot worse than castrate 'im. Sound good."_ Clay said. There was a pause where I could only assume the mixture of nods and head shakes. _"Now, a lot a heavy shit was put at this table tanight, none of it leaves this room. That girl's still trustin' us after what happened and it's a Goddamn mericle. We ain't guna break that trust, got it? Alright, dismissed."_ Wood hit wood and chairs scraped the floor and I half ran down the hallway.

I made it to the room before anyone saw me. After closng the door and checking the lock six times, I slipped under the covers and into bed. I didn't care if it was early, I was going to stay in that bed until I decided it was too boring.

~*~*~*~

Someone was shaking me, repeating my name over, and over, and over. I sat board stiff and nearly fell out of the bed as I jerked awake. A hand caught me by the hip and I wriggled more.

"Jay, it's okay. It's just me." Happy leaned over and flipped the lamp on to prove his identity.

I said nothing. He was lying on his side, hand on my hip to prevent me from tobbling to the ground.

"Nightmare?" He guessed.

I simply nodded. Glancing around I saw red but not in anger. It was a deep, dark red. My eyes widened. I was surrounded by blood. I yelped and jerked away from Happy.

"Jay, what is it?"

I shook my head. Why the hell didn't he see it?! I slammed my hand down against the sheet repeatedly until his other hand stopped me. I stared at him for a moment, his face was covered in blood. Looking down at myself, so was I.

"Jayden?!"

I blinked over and over until finally, the red vanished. Everything was back to normal; my hands weren't drenched and neither was his face. I shook my head again to make sure the image was cleared for good. Not bothering to wait for permission or for him to offer, I shot into him. I buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed. I didn't **want **to be crying or need to be. I didn't **want** to need him to hold me. But the fact of the matter was, desired or not, the need was there and I caved. He hesitated at first, then brought one arm around me and let my cry myself to sleep pressed against his chest. I knew he'd free himself as soon as I did but that didn't matter. All I needed was now.

* * *

Reviews = love. :)


	17. Need You Now

A/N: I may not be updating much for the next week, for that I'm sorry but I'm not at home, staying with my dad and other grandparents so...yeah. just a heads up. ALSO! this story itself may be ending soon, I have yet to decide, but don't worry, there will be other Jayden/Happy stories from my brain.

This chapter is partly based on the chorus to the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum because I thought the chorus really has to do with what's going down.

It is also a little fluffy but there were a lot of things that needed saying in here to make it more clear how the characters feel about everything so...yeah.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

_

* * *

_

_"It's a quater after one, I'm all alone and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now."_

**Need You Now**

I woke to the gentle pressure of a hand under my shirt and the chill of a thumb aimlessly sweeping over the stitches of my belly. My eyes flew open but I relaxed when I only saw Happy, still asleep and on his side next to me. He was close enough for me to feel his breath against my shoulder and breeze across my neck. Looking over at him, I sighed. I nabbed my phone off of the nightstand and checked the time. Midnight. Shoving the comforter off me, I rolled off the bed to stand. Happy's hand remained firm at first then he groaned and turned to his other side. Before leaving, I picked my phone up off the nightstand to bring with me, just in case. _Damn, Marine. Are you paranoid or what?_ Paranoid or not, there was no way I was going anywhere without it.

As I expected, a few of the boys were in the bar. Tig was watching TV while Chibs sat at the bar with a bottle of Jack. I stepped lightly into the room, loud enough to make my presence known but quiet enough not to disturb them. Chibs patted the stool beside him, indicating for me to join him. Nodding, I slipped into the wooden stool.

"How ya doin'" He asked softly, passing me the bottle.

"Okay...I guess." I took a swig and set the bottle down between us. "What're you guys plannin'?"

"As of now, nuttin' but I swear ta God, love, we're a do some'in." He nodded and picked up the bottle. After chugging it down, he set it back in its place.

We sat there for a while in silence, then the bottle levitated and returned, a large amount of the liquid drained. Wood scraped wood beside me and Tig plopped down. It felt a little strange, being blocked in by two bikers. But it wasn't a bad strange, just...odd, different. Chibs and I spared the blue eyed man a glance then went back to staring at whatever had held our attention before. For me in was the wood grain of the counter. I felt a hand on my shoulder and was pulled to the right, into Chibs. I hadn't even realized I was tearing up, but apparently he did. Tig looked at me and placed a hand on my knee. A hand that remained firm even after I flinched.

"That's some pretty rough shit. With the Nords ya ended up with, you're lucky you ain't dead." Tig released my knee and reached for the bottle.

"I figured." I stayed wrapped in the Scotsman's arm and snatched the Jack Daniels from Tig's hand and gulped it down.

"Ima go ta bed. See y'all in the mornin'" He nodded, took one last pull on the bottle and walked off down the hall.

"Should be headed there too. Long day tamorra. But I kin stay if..." He trailed off and set me back on my own stool.

"No, it's a'ight. I'll be okay." I stared at the glass bottle I held in my hands.

"Ya sure?"

"Yeah." I dismissed him and he left promptly, picking up on the slight tinge in my voice.

I sat there alone for a long while. I didn't, and still don't, know exactly how long but it felt like forever. I drained half of what was left in the bottle, the burn of it down my throat as it slithered to my stomach giving me something to feel. My phone was laying on the bar in front of me. Sighing, I picked it up. I blinked rapidly, trying to rid my eyes of the tears that had welled up. My thumb pressed and held the number 2. Sniffing, I held the phone to my ear and prayed he'd pick up. It rang and rang then...

_"Hello?"_ His voice was even more graveled than normal.

"Hey...I didn't wanna wake you up but..."

_"Where are you?"_

"The bar...I don't really know if I can make it to our room. Damn, never been hit so hard by a bottle a Jack before" I knew my speech was slightlky slurred but he knew what I was saying. And so did I.

_"You okay?"_

"Honestly, no. Not at all."

_"A'ight. Hang on."_ I heard him groan and then a door close. _"Ima hang up, a'ight?"_

"Okay.."

There was a click and he was gone. But seconds later I saw him entering the bar, barefoot and shirtless. I stood and walked into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He hesitated a bit but folded an arm around my shoulders and tightened his fingers around the neck of the Jack Daniels bottle.

"I'm not good at this whole cheering up thing. I don't talk about shit. If that's what you're lookin' for, you're gunna have ta hang out more wit the girls." He stated flatly, taking a swig from the bottle.

"I know. I don't wanna talk. I just want everythin' ta go back ta normal..." I tipped my head back and rested my chin on his chest to look up at him.

His arm tightened around me and set the bottle back down on the bar. "And how do you expect that ta happen? I mean, how the fuck can we go on without it hauntin' us?"

"I dunno. I don't care. I don't wanna flinch everytime you touch me. I wanna be able ta give you...what you want. I don't wanna freak out all the time. I wanna be able ta hang out wit you and the guys an' not feel like I gotta watch my back..."

He let me rant for a moment. "I'm not gunna lie, the sex is great, but if ya need time I get it. I'm not gunna push ya, I told ya that. For everythin' else, we all get it. Don't feel like you gotta be fine after that. No one expects you ta be."

"You guys don't, I do. I'm supposed ta be the one that doesn't get bothered by shit, the strong one. I'm not supposed to act like this, not supposed ta break down. Hell, this whole damn thing isn't supposed ta happen. I shoulda been able ta get away--"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't start blamin' yourself for this shit. It ain't your fault." He cut me off and pushed me away by the shoulders.

"But I'm the Marine, the one that beats the shit outta people that try ta get too close--"

"Its more my fault than yours"

"But its not your fault, we've been over this."

"Exactly." He looked me in the eye as he spoke.

I shook my head, trying to make sense of everything. He leaned against the bar and pulled my back into him, allowing me to rest my chin on his shoulder.

"Can I...Awkward fucking question...Can I kiss you or you gunna freak out on me?" He whispered into my ear.

At first I thought he was joking around with me but soon realized he was serious. I nodded and removed my head from his shoulder and looked expectantly at him.

His hands moved to cup my face as he brought me closer to press our lips together. He went to pull away but my arms found their way around his neck, keeping us together. He snaked his own arms around my waist and turned us so that I was pressed into the bar.

"I don't...wanna make you...do anythin' you ain't ready for..." He spoke against my lips.

"I wanna be ready. Lemme just see how far...I can go..."

"A'ight." He picked me up, my legs wrapping around him instinctively.

He brought me back to our room and kicked the door closed with the heel of his foot. He walked us to the bed and eased us both down it. Raising up slightly, he only broke the kiss long enough to peel off the t shirt I wore. He came back down to me and pulled off his pants and mine. He looked down at me, making sure it was okay to proceed. His hands found my hips. I pushed on his chest, asking him to stop. Immediately, he rolled off and onto his back. We were both breathing hard as we lied there on the bed.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"'Sokay." He turned to side that faced me. "If you need me, I'll do my best ta be there, but I can't promise anythin'. I just wish none of this ever happened..."

I reamained silent until I thought Happy fell asleep on me. "I need you..." My voice was barely audible and cracked slightly.

His hand found my hip again and rolled me into him. One arm came around me, hand settling on my tattoo.


	18. A Friend of Revenge

A/N: **_Before you read this I would wish you all Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. Don't do anything I wouldn't. Auguri te, Ash._**

**I will be switching POVs in here. Just to let you know. But you'll know when. Also, there will be some Juice/OC action will be coming later on, 'cause I like him too.**

_thoughts_

**emphasis**

Happy POV

* * *

_"Now here I stand with these blood soaked hands on a sleepless night that never ends" Airborne Toxic Event's Something New_

**A Friend of Revenge**

I woke with a groan as a showered and fully-dressed Happy leaned over the bed to kiss me. Squinting up at him, I stretched and reached for my phone.

"Here" He handed me a new one.

"Why the hell do I need two?" I grumbled, taking it from his hand.

"Prepaid. If ya need ta call me for anythin' use that one."

"Uh huh. Where you goin'?"

"Work then club shit."

"Sounds like fun. I should prolly get ready."

"A'ight. Well, I'll see ya later."

"Okay." I flung the blanket off me and stepped into the bathroom.

After a shower, popping my pills, and doing my make up, I dressed myself in a dark, long sleeve thermal and ripped up, baggy jeans. I pulled my hair up in a messy ponytail and proceeded to make my way to the bar.

In the kitchen, I scarfed down a bagel with cream cheese. After stealing a water bottle, I went outside.

"Need a ride?" Kip asked, wiping his hands with an already filthy rag.

"I got the car but sure." I shrugged.

"Juice an' I got a tow by the store so we can drop ya off."

"Thanks." I smiled and followed him to the tow truck.

I talked to Caroline about keeping my job after I left for Tacoma so I would have something to do when we came back for God knows how long. Plus I needed the money. She said it was fine, that she would hire a part time for the times when I was gone. She knew about the incident and agreed to a paid leave.

The tow wasn't far from the boutique so I decided to walk the rest of the two blocks there. Kip protested, claiming Happy would rip his balls off if he left me alone. I simply told him that the only Happy would find out was if someone ratted him out, and that if he wasn't supposed to leave me alone, how the hell was I supposed to work? I won that fight, of course.

"Hey Caroline!" I yelled out when I finally made it to the store.

"How are you doing?" She smiled and gave me a tight hug.

Caroline was an older woman, probably in her sixties. She opened the boutique over twenty years ago and now her daughters helped her keep it up. She had four kids total, three girls and one boy. Her son visited from Boston for the holidays, at least that's what she told me, while her daughters worked and lived in Charming. She said they helped her keep the fashion styles up to date and to make sure the inventory was in check. They were supposed to come over today to check up on things.

"As okay as I can be." I answered truthfully, there was no point in lying to a human lie detector.

"Is that man of yours helping you out at all?" She quirked a greying eyebrow watched my features.

"He does his best."

She nodded. "Alright, well you know my phone number if you need anything."

"Thanks, Caroline."

"Right. Now, today Skylar, Emerson and Alexa are coming later. So, could you please dress the front window? Or will that pull the stitches?"

"Sure. It should be fine. If something pops, I'll let ya know." I smiled and stepped toward the front window to change it.

I finished the window and started reorganizing and restocking the shelves when Skylar, Emerson and Alexa, Caroline's daughters, walked in.

"Oh my God, Jayden! How ya doin'?!" Skylar ran up to me.

She was the youngest and probably my favorite. She came to visit me a few times in the hospital but usually had to work. She had a short boy-cut for thick black hair, half of which was dyed blood red. Skylar always had a thing for Juice, and would never stop talking about how she saw him at the diner last week or how he winked at her while he worked on her car.

"Pretty good. You?"

"Good. How's Hap?" She refused to let me go out of her hug.

"I think he's guna kill someone"

"He should! Jesus. How's the others?"

"You mean Juice?"

"No shit, Sherlock." We laughed and the others rolled their eyes.

"He's good."

"My brakes have been screeching a little, lately..." She winked and giggled.

"Did you do the window, Jayden?" Emerson, the middle came forward.

I never really like her. She was married with kids and for some reason thought she had the right to flirt with Happy every time he came to pick me up when they were here. I wasn't jealous, after all, he would always make a big show of it just to rub it in her face. She had brown eyes with medium length, mahogany hair that matched her brown eyes.

"Yeah. Is somethin' wrong wit it?" I tilted my head, trying to sound concerned with how she felt about it.

"I guess its okay..."

"Emma, it's just fine and you know it." Alexa usually fought with Emerson over how she treated me.

Alexa was the oldest and somehow single. She was a beautiful woman, leading me to wonder how the hell she didn't have a man yet. Her eyes were a light green, her hair was long and light brown and fell in waves over her shoulders. That and she was probably one of the nicest people I knew.

It always surprised me how different the three were. Skylar was the crazy, punk, wild child, the one you had to keep an eye on or she'd run off into the street. Emerson was the overly uptight perfectionist, the one you had to worry about simply because she'd rip your head off if something wasn't exactly the way she wanted it. Alexa was the responsible one, the one who would make a perfect mother of her own, you didn't really need to look out for her except for the fact that she was vulnerable.

~*~LATER ON THAT DAY~*~

My shift was finally over and I didn't have to deal with Emerson and Skylar bickering or Emerson complaining about some records that weren't in the right spot anymore.

"Hey, Jay. You want a ride back to the shop? I gotta see if they kin do somethin' about my breaks." Skylar jogged into step with me.

"Sure. Thanks." I smiled and followed her to her car.

The two of us rocked out to Rage Against the Machine and System of Down, laughing and joking around until we got to Teller-Morrow.

"Jesus, your brakes do suck." I commented as she parked and walked with me to the office.

"I told you!" She threw her hands up. "It had nothing to do with the fact I haven't seen you-know-who in forever."

"Does he even know you? Or that your half stalking him?"

"I am not stalking him!"

"I'll take that as a no." I laughed and took an abrupt turn. "Hey Juice!" I called through the bay doors.

"You did not!" Skylar shoved me playfully.

"I did." I grinned devilishly at her as Juice came trotting over. "This is Skylar. Her brakes're shot. Fix 'em?"

"Oh, uh, hi. Um, why don't ya just sign in at the office? Sure someone else kin do it, Clay's got me on some old junker." He stammered and went to shake her hand but took it back when he noticed all the grease.

"Fine. But ya know, she needs her car soon, otherwise she'll have ta spend the night here."

"Kick Happy out?"

"You're so difficult. Fine. But she sleeps walks. Don't want her runnin' into any walls."

"Make 'er wear a helmet? I'm sorry, we got somethin' goin' on after closin' an' I gotta be done with that piece a shit 'fore we go."

"Ah, okay. You coulda said that in the first place."

I grabbed Skylar's wrist and dragged her to the office to speak to Gemma.

Skylar and I sat at the bar after talking and introducing her to Gemma then everyone else. We were cracking jokes about how red her face had gotten when Juice came to talk to us and enjoying a beer when the boys came charging through. Without saying a word, Happy reached around me and behind the bar and pulled up a shotgun. Juice did the same behind Skylar but handed it to Tig. She blushed, again, but no one seemed to notice. She bit her lip to tried the smile.

"We're leavin'." Happy and Juice waited behind while the others went to their bikes.

"Coulda guessed that" I tilted my head when he glanced at Skylar. "Don't worry, she won't talk, right?"

She nodded vigorously, still trying to hide her blush and crossed her heart.

"A'ight. Don't know when we'll be back. So see ya later." He kissed me, almost refusing to let go. He pulled away and thumped Juice on the chest with the back of his hand. "Let's go"

Juice nodded, glanced at Skylar and fell into step with Happy. The rumble of Harley's departing outside.

~*~HAPPY POV~*~

Shotgun resting on my handlebars, we sped to find that asshole, Darby. I could barely say his name without gagging before but now, he better pull a Forrest and run, motherfucker, run. There was no way he was getting away with what happened to Jay. She didn't deserve that shit.

We made it to the little house where he cooked his crank in no time. He came outside as we pulled up in a white wife beater that didn't even look white anymore and jeans; he heard the Harleys. I unmounted with the rest of the boys but Tig moved in front me and Chibs grabbed the back of my cut before I could kill the guy.

"Uh, what're you guys doin' here?" He was timid, skittish. And if he wasn't he should have been.

"You know damn well why we're here" I growled, earning a look from everyone in the group.

"No, I don't, asshole." He glared for a moment then shrunk back.

"Alright, alright!" Clay scolded then pointed a warning finger at me. "What do you know 'bout a Major Jayden Powell?" He turned to ask the Neo-Nazi.

"Nothing, should I?" He tried playing innocent.

"Well, seeing as two of your boys are dead 'cause of her...yeah, I think ya should." Clay crossed his arms.

"That's the little bitch that killed off my right hand?! You know where she is? I'd like ta give her a taste of a blade." He growled.

"She already did, asshole! Kidnapping, raping and slicing an Old Lady?! Who the fuck do you think you are?!" I burst, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

Clay gave me a warning glance but I stood firm, I had enough with standing even twenty feet from the guy.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't have any part in that shit!" Darby held his hands up.

"Your boys take a girl, and not just any girl, an Old Lady in the middle a the night an' do that shit, you knew 'bout it." Clay lit up his cigar and leaned back on the bike. How the hell could he have been so relaxed?!

"I had no idea, I swear ta God! They said they were jackin' cars ta get the shit we need for..." He didn't finish.

I stayed trapped between Tig and Chibs, shotgun in hand. I wanted nothing more than to beat this guy's brains in but I knew better.

"Who the fuck has an Old Lady I never heard of?" Darby finally caught on. _Dumbass._

"Who do ya fuckin' think?" I eyed the gun, running a hand over the barrel then shifted my gaze upward, successfully sending chills up Darby's spine.

"Shit." Was all he could manage.

"Yeah, shit."

Just an FYI: auguri te means best wishes in Italian.

**Anyway, REVIEW!** or I'll cry...please don't make me cry...


	19. It's a Gamble

A/N: The usual disclaimer.

Sorry about the delay. And I realize some of you guys, (At least those who reviewed, ***Wink wink, nudge nudge***) liked this one, but I wrote it at like 3-4 in the morning then published. I read it when I woke up and hated some parts. So I rewrote those parts of it.

There are also some parts that are supposed to underlined that aren't, don't know what happened there. But you can tell which one it is, hopefully, any difficulties just lemme know. kay? thanks.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

Happy POV

* * *

_"She's strong, pushes on, can't slow her down. She can take anything life dishes out. There was a time, back before she was mine, when I thought I was tough." Craig Morgan ~ Tough_

**It's a Gamble**

I couldn't sleep that night and it wasn't just because Skylar was an insomniac that tossed and turned all night. Happy came back late and pissed. I pretended to be asleep, knowing he wouldn't like the fact that I stayed up for him. He didn't even come near me, only went straight to the bathroom. I heard the water run for a second, then a low growl and a slam on the wall. I was going to go see what was wrong, but I knew he wouldn't want that. That and he was out the door again and stomping down the hall before I could even sit up. I groped the nightstand for my cell phone and looked at the time. 3 am. _Jesus, were they really gone that long?_ I swung my legs over the side of the bed and shook my head. I knew I'd have to get used to him coming and going at weird hours and what not, but this involved me. And I couldn't sleep.

* * *

I didn't know what time it was when I barged into the room. I spared Jay a glance and noticed that other girl, Skylar. Jay was half hanging off the bed while Skylar didn't take up even half the bed. _Is that how I make her sleep? _I instantly felt a little guilty; I could easily spare half the bed for her, but no. I had to be the selfish bastard to make her hang off the goddamn mattress. I knew she wasn't **really **asleep. Her eyelids fluttered and I'd spent enough time watching her sleep to know, because those damn nightmares kept me up, that didn't happen unless she was faking. To be honest, I was glad she faked it and didn't come into the bathroom when I ran the water, splashed it over my face and nearly punched a hole in the wall. There was no real damage, only a pretty good dent. I shook my head with enough force to give anyone else whiplash.

Darby denied everything. He kept saying that his guys went rogue, maybe a spur of the moment act in a drunken rage for some retarded reason. But from what Jay told us, the whole thing was planned. We couldn't prove that Darby and his boys planned it specifically for her, but I didn't care, I wanted that mother fucker dead. And there was another thing that didn't make sense. She said that four men cornered her, so what happened to the other two? Whoever they were, where ever they were, they had no idea what kind of shit storm was about to find them. They sure as hell weren't getting away with what they did. 

I was extremely aware of the protectiveness I felt for her, enough to be almost bothered by it. I'd had girlfriends before, she wasn't my first, but there was something different about her. Jayden and the many sweetbutts, I won't deny I'd enjoyed, were like night and day. They were preps in high heels and short skirts or shorts and low cut tank tops and hell bent on getting in my pants. While Jay wore ripped and baggy jeans and band tees and didn't try so hard with her make up. But now, she lost that self-confident, sarcastic, almost cockiness that made her appealing in the first place. I wasn't losing any feeling for her, not at all, that look she gave me still turned me on, even if I she wouldn't let me do a damn thing about it. It was just so difficult to watch. She was breaking, I could see it, and it killed me. I knew it was killing her too. That night she called me proved it. The way she looked at me when she spewed out the reasons it was her fault. She didn't want this change. But we all knew it was inevitable. You don't survive the kind of shit in her past just to have it come back to you and not go through some emotional trauma.

The nightmares hurt the most. Not just physically when she started tossing and turning and screaming in my ear. Most of the time, I would walk in just as one started then have to wake her up. Then she'd apologize, wipe her eyes and turn away. I'd end up throwing an arm around her just to stop her from shaking so damn much. It would never work and I'd have to prove it was me and that she had nothing to worry about. Then she'd apologize and turn away...again. I could tell that all she wanted was to pretend it never happened, but she and I both knew that could never happen.

I don't think she knew, or even thought, that I had kept it in my pants the whole time she was in the hospital and even now, when she was in bed and I was partying with the boys. I won't lie, it was pretty hard with all those sweetbutts rubbing themselves all over me. I almost shoved one into the bathroom a couple times, but then that Prospect would glare at me. I'd roll my eyes at him, he knew damn well how the club worked. And it wasn't like he didn't do the same gaddamn thing when he and that Cherry chick were together. But then the bitch would start talking about how much better it was that I wasn't with anyone, "especially such a bitchy one." Then I'd come close to losing my temper and half threw her of my lap. I don't think Jay was even remotely aware that the only action I'd gotten in those three weeks came from an old pin up and my right hand.

I made my way to the bar to sleep on the couch down there, seeing as I was kicked out of my own bed. I tossed my boots haphazardly in front of the couch, plopped down and covered my face with the throw pillow and let out a frustrated growl. I couldn't help it. This whole situation was really pissing me off. _Fuck, I need ta beat the shit outta something._

* * *

I lightly padded to the bar, knowing that's where Happy went. I knew he wouldn't talk about what happened, but I needed to make sure there wasn't blood spilled. At least not his. I couldn't have cared less if Darby or one of his boys ended up dead.

I saw him lying on the couch with the pillow over his head and instinctively knew something was bothering him. Ever since I was attacked I could tell he was conflicted about something, though I never knew what. He had his normal mood swings but they seemed worse now. He'd be all over me, making sure I was okay and shit one day, then it was like he couldn't look at me. It hurt but I was also aware of the fact that, no matter how much he would deny it, it was hurting him too. I knew he was doing all he could to get through my nightmares, spazing fits and flinching. I was almost certain that he had had his fun with the many sweetbutts running around, how else would he get off? He didn't strike me as the jacking off type. But maybe I was wrong. Perhaps, but I doubted it. Though I couldn't blame him. If I were him, I couldn't say with any real certainty that I wouldn't.

He didn't hear me walk over and crouch down next to the couch so he flinched when I rested my hand gently on his forearm. He flung the pillow off his face and began to sit up but I pushed him back down with my other hand on his chest. I leaned over him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. His hand came up to cup the back of my head as he deepened the kiss, suckin my tongue into his mouth. He grasped my shoulder to pull me up on top of him. Pulling up, I braced myself with an arm on either side of his head and a knee on either side of his hips and looked down at him, a small smile tugging the side of my lips. His arms encircled my waist as he brought me back down to him, both of us forgetting any unease that usually came with this kind of contact.

Somehow, he managed to flip us over so that I was the one on my back. An objection came to mind but never made it out into my voice when he yanked his shirt over his head.

"Is this gunna be a'ight?" He gently while he kissed and nipped my neck and jaw and bunched the edge of my tank, bringing to just above my breasts.

"I think so...Wait."

He instantly pulled up, his hands flying off me like he'd been burned. "What?"

"What 'bout the other guys...an' Skylar? We're just guna fuck here? Then what? We can't just pass out naked here. I don't know 'bout you, but I sure as hell don't want Tig walkin' down here ta see that."

"Shit. I don't know..." He watched as he ran his hand from my neck, over my breasts and to my stomach then settled on my side just above my hip. "All I know is that I want you. I said I wouldn't push, but damn. I been waitin' so fucking long. I don't wanna force ya or pressure or whatever, but girl you got me crazy. I dunno how much longer I can go." As he spoke, he kissed a trail down my body.

I arched my back as his mouth encircled one nipple, tongue flicking roughly over it, while his hand kneaded the other breast. He pushed my panties and sweatpants down my hips and left them bunched against the arm of the couch with his free hand. But then he pulled away and sat up on his knees, straddling my legs.

* * *

I didn't want to stop, but I knew I needed to warn her before it progressed any further. I needed to make sure she knew she wasn't going to get light caresses or any of that shit. It'd been weeks, longest I'd gone since God only knew how long, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

"We do this, I can't be gentle. I don't wanna pop the stitches or nothin' but it's been weeks." I was going to add a few more details, but decided against it. Truth of the matter was, I needed to make her scream my name as loud as she possibly could without hurting herself. If that meant waking up the boys, the rest of California and the boys back in Tacoma or driving into her on this couch for the next week and a half nonstop, so fucking be it.

"I know." She whispered softly and kissed the hallow of my neck, her hands undoing my jeans and shoving them down with my boxers. "Please" I had her practically begging to take her and I'd be damned if I didn't.

I leaned down to press a kiss to her lips before moving back down. I licked over her once, teasing her, satisfied the whimper of protest that escaped her. She arched her back and pushed her hips forward when I slid my tongue into her. Her hand held the back of my head as I lapped up her juices with my thumb circling her clit. She tasted sweet with a tang of sour, perfect. I couldn't get enough of it, but the throbbing of my rock hard cock became almost painful with the anticipation of feeling her clench around me. I couldn't help but chuckle at her whining when I pulled up again. I licked a trail up her body, skimming gently over the row of stitches, cringing internally when she jerked slightly. I made it back to her breasts, sucking one nipple into my mouth while I kneaded the other breast. Her hand on my head fought with itself, partially pulling me back up her while pushing my into her. Settling myself between her legs, I planted my lips to hers, running my tongue over her bottom lip to get her to open up for me. She did I asked, kissing deeper and harder, no doubt tasting herself. I braced myself on my arms, a hand on either side of her head so I didn't rub against the stitches; no matter how much skin I wanted to feel, I didn't want to hurt her. I pushed into her, not giving her any warning of any kind or easing her into it. I lost control when I felt her tight passage engulf my tip then shaft and began pumping into her. Her legs wrapped around my waist and tightened like she was holding on for dear life. She moaned and screamed out my name as I continued with the fast on furious pace. She was even tighter than she was the first time, but it just seemed it mold to me better. Her hips bucked against mine with every rough thrust, her hands flat on the arm of the couch above her head so she didn't slam into it. The sweat beading on my chest dripped onto hers, where I leaned down slightly to lick it off then nip and suck the skin where her neck met her shoulder. I felt her muscles clench hard around me as she screamed out my name and pulled my farther nto her with her legs. I didn't slow down, didn't lighten up, kept the pace constant, her orgasm pushing my closer and closer to the edge. She was breathing heavily under me, her breath chilling my chest as it blew across my skin. I groaned and buried my face into her neck as I came out of nowhere. I didn't pull out of her, just held myself above her, her muscles slowly relaxing, contractions dying down around me. I did my best not to collapse, exhausted, onto her as I waited for her to stop shaking. A small smile spread across my face as her eyes fluttered open, still dilated.

* * *

His arms trembled and I knew he was doing his best not to fall and crush me. He kissed me again then pulled out and sat up, straddling my hips. Hands on the arm of the couch, I pulled myself from under him and sat up myself. I ran a hand through my sweaty hair and looked over at him. He was tired, but satisifed, I could tell just by the look on his face. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his chest and he could breathe again.

"I should prolly get back there 'fore Skylar notices I'm gone." I sighed as I pulled my tank back down.

"Yeah, seein' as I get kicked out for a chick I'll just stay down here." He smirked as he stood and pulled his jeans back up.

"It's only for tanight. Her car's brake are shot. Juice was guna work on it, but he didn't get time. That and she got wasted, so she stayed. And..." I stopped, if I told him, Happy would turn around and tell Juice all about Skylar's crush on him. Something the wild child would have an issue with.

"And what?"

"Nothing...I'm sworn to secrecy." I smiled innocently up at him.

"Ya know, I could get you ta tell me." He took a step forward.

"I know you **could**. It's just a matter of **would** you?"

"Maybe"

"It's nothing important, just a silly girl thing."

"She got her period and she was too much of a pussy ta drive?" He took a shot in the dark, causing me to only laugh.

"No. Not even **close**!" I laughed so hard I almost fell over when I went to grab my panties and sweatpants.

He shook his head while I yanked the garments free from the under the cushion, stood and redressed. He went to turn to lie back on the sofa but I grabbed his hand and kissed him lightly.

"You have no idea how much I needed that." I smiled sheepishly.

"No, you got no idea how bad **I **needed that." He turned back to me, keeping his mouth on mine, and pulled me closer. "Night sexy." He grinned, let go and plopped back down on couch.

"Night." I just shook my head at him and walked back to the room where Skylar sat, wide awake, on the bed. "What are you doin' up?" I asked innocently.

"You sure are a screamer." She crossed her arms and tilted her head. "Did you really **have** ta go down on 'im while I was here?"

"Spontaneity, dear girl. It's the secret to any good relationship. Prolly do the same damn thing if you were my mom." We shared a laugh. "A'ight, well, I'm fucking exhausted. Hap sure knows how ta tired a girl out. Fuck. Goodnight, again."

She groaned then said: "Nighty night. No getting frisky with me thinkin' I'm your boy." She smirked, winked then lied back down and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

**Okay, I like that better. Now REVIEW.**

**Or I'll...**

**Well, I don't know what I'll do...But I'll do something.**


	20. Normal

A/N: Disclaimer goes here.

OMFG! It's my birthday. And to celebrate, I'm updating. I'm home now, so updates should come sooner for the next week. Love y'all.

This, sadly, concludes the story. But worry not! I'm starting another, TODAY!, and publishing it, TODAY. That one will follow the plot line of season two.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

Happy POV

* * *

_"And maybe we, we can't fight, all of this pain and loneliness as if, all we are, are shooting stars." Shooting Stars ~ Edwin McCain_

**Normal**

Happy stood with his arms crossed, legs spread, face cold and talking to Tig about God knows what. The blue eyed man was constantly nodding or shaking his head, his curly black hair bouncing with each action. Juice was just visible behind the bay doors. Skylar sat on a stool near by, watching the man with the Mohawk work on her brakes. She was laughing at something he said and he was grinning like the Cheshire cat at her. Jax, Tara, and Opie were sitting on the picnic table, each with a beer in hand. Chibs was barking orders at Kip in the ring, nursing a beer and laughing as the younger man landed a hit on the weak, nameless hangaround. I smiled to myself. There was that right hook I knew and loved. Clay was on the discussing something with Piney. Gemma was passing out beers and such refreshments to the bikers and women. Saturday afternoon, I didn't know why, but I felt different. Then I realized, everything was back to normal. Tara wasn't asking me if I was okay, neither was Gemma. No one was babying me like they had been. No one seemed to feel guilty about leaving alone, leaning against the wall of the garage. Just what I wanted.

"What's got you so smiley?" Gemma asked as she walked up.

"Everything's...normal. back to the way it was before. I like that" I nodded once and took the beer she handed me.

"Yeah. I hear ya." As Piney went to the office, Gemma left to speak to her husband.

I took a pull on my beer and shifted my weight on the wall and tipped my head back against it. Tonight, Hap and the boys were going back to get the names of the other to men that cornered me that night. After that, they would do God knows what to them and come back home. Tara informed me that the stitches would be removed soon, when exactly, she didn't know but I was to go in to see her that Tuesday. Hap and I weren't going back to Tacoma when they came out, we were going to wait a few days or so, make sure he wasn't needed. I kicked the wall from behind me and walked over to the boxing ring.

"Chibs!" I yelled over him.

"Yeah?" He looked down at me and I shoved my beer at him.

"Hold that."

He took the bottle from me hand then gave it back when I got my footing on the ropes.

"Thanks." I smiled, he nodded.

"You 'ave fun last night?" He chuckled after a while.

"Shut up." I took a swig from my beer. "Was I really that loud?"

"Oh yeah" he laughed harder, shook his head and somehow managed not to choke on his own beer.

"I'm never guna live that down, am I?"

"No chance"

"Damn it"

His laughter continued its assault on my eardrums until Happy came over, climbed up beside me, and flashed Chibs a look somewhere between 'What the fuck?' and 'Are you mental?'

"He's just laughin' at me." I backhanded Chibs's arm, looked at him and tongue my tongue out.

The man grinned and shrugged. "Ain't my fault ya screamed loud nuff ta wake up all 'em in Tacoma."

"Not mine either." I protested then pointed at Happy. "It's **his **fault."

Hap held his hands up in surrender. "Won't say I'm sorry." He only laughed as I backhanded his chest.

Chibs shook his head then yelled something to Kip, who promptly joined us.

"D'ya 'ear 'er last nigh' or was it just me?"

"Oh, I definitely heard ya." He smirked.

I buried my face in Happy's shoulder, groaning while they stared and laughed at me. "Look what you did!" I punched him.

"I did? Get used to it" He rubbed his arm. "Damn, you hit like a boy."

"Ya still wanna go one on one, bad boy?" I teased.

"Fuck yeah. Right here, right now."

"Stitches?"

"Comin' out soon anyway, right?"

"A'ight, let's do this. Kipper, get your ass outta the ring."

Happy yanked his shirt over his head and threw it somewhere. He and I climbed the ropes as Chibs yelled out to everyone else. Damn, that man was loud. Pretty soon, the boys, Gemma and Tara were flocked around the ring. Tara screamed out something about the stitches that we all just waved off. She shrugged and took a pull from the beer she was handed.

"Ready, Marine?" Happy taunted bringing his hands up.

"Born ready Killah. By the way, this is **wrestling, **not boxing." I laughed as I took a step forward and to the side, evading his slight charge.

"Yeah, but who fights fair?" He grinned, not realizing I was calculating the bounce he put into his step.

"I will if you do...Hold up. Does biting count as unfair?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Then not me!" I gave him a smile that showed only pure evil as I, again, sidestepped him.

"C'me on! I wanna see someone on their ass!" Tig was screaming, impatient as always.

I shot a look at the blue eyed man. Happy took the moment to come closer, sweeping his foot under mine. I brought my leg up just enough to avoid being tripped, grabbed his shoulders, as if falling, then hooked my leg around his. In a second, he was down on his back with me half under him, my arm around his throat in an almost perfect choke hold. It took a moment for him to register what happened and why Tig was laughing and jumping like a kid about to get a five pound chocolate bar. He bucked up, breaking from my grip, and flopped over so that he was on his hands and knees above me. He made to pin my shoulders back, but my flung my arms around his neck again. I locked my legs around his waist, pulled myself up to him and kissed him. He kissed back, adding tongue with one arm holding us up, the other pressing me to him.

"Really, guys? This is a **public **area!" Skylar joked and nudged Juice in the side with her elbow. From what I heard later, she ended up in front of him, his arms around her waist while he had his face buried in her neck. Because that wouldn't be awkward at all.

I pulled away and winked at him. He quirked an eyebrow at me then the light bulb seemed to go off. But it was too late for him, I was already pushing us over with one arm. Again, I had him on his back, one hand on his chest, the other forearm on his throat. I had my knees digging into his hip and thigh, my lips just ghosting over his.

"So, ya like it on top, huh? Why didn't ya say so?" He teased, one hand going for my hair.

I pulled out of reach and landed my foot on his bicep. He reached and grabbed ankle, flipping us over, yet again. I was barely aware of the laughs and cheers from outside the ring as I managed to get him on his back, again, and slide between him and the mat. I tucked his neck in the inside of my elbow, grabbed my wrist with my other hand and squeezed. He tried to pull my arms apart but failed when I arched my back and tilted my hips, adding enough pressure to his back to make him squirm. I kissed the top of his head teasingly, making him squirm more. His teeth sunk into my arm, no doubt leaving a good mark.

"So, ya like it rough, huh? Why didn't ya say so?" I laughed.

He got my grip to ease up on his neck and rolled in my arms. "Thought I did last night" He grinned.

"Public, fight, remember?"

"Then let's get outta public."

"You guys guna finish this?" Jax chided.

I flipped him the bird and bit Happy in the shoulder, hard. He growled and I took his moment of distraction to slip from under him. I had him face down on the mat, my knee on his back, one arm around his neck, pulling his head up, the other trapping his between us. I leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"All ya gotta do is tap or stay down."

He tried to pull me off, but shifted so his free are was caged between his side and my knee. Kip came around and slammed his palm to the mat.

"One. Two. Three..."

A low rumble came from Happy as the younger man hit ten. Foot on his back, I stood and bowed. He grabbed my ankle and stood as well.

He leaned over, his lips touching my ear. "I let ya win. If ya didn't have those damn stitches."

"Maybe you'd win in boxing. But grappling? That's what I do best." I grabbed my beer from Chibs and polished it off. "Who won?" I asked him while climbing the ropes again with Hap behind me.

"Han' it ovah" Chibs chuckled, extending his hand toward Bobby.

"Jesus, she put down the Killer." He laughed out and handed a wad of bills to the Scotsman.

"Shut up." Was all Happy had to say about the subject as he nabbed his own beer from Tig.

"Sore loser." I poked him in the side.

"Yeah. But I don't scream bloody fucking murder." He gave me a smirk that only widened when I gave him a good veiw of my middle finger. "My ears are still recoverin' from last night. Maybe later."

**End.**

**For now.**


End file.
